I think my family's behaviour at my wedding might help me finally sort myself out...

[bohemianbint]

Some of you are no doubt familiar with me whinging about my many family issues recently - I've found it very hard to deal with their total disrespect and lack of regard for me over the last couple of years. Anyway - (just having a rant and getting this out) at our wedding on Saturday I invited both my parents who were divorced when I was about 4 (about 28 years ago!). I always knew it would be hard (lots of bitterness, my dad and SM brought me up) but I thought they would be able to behave for one day.

So, it could have been worse. But my dad basically blanked me several times in the day and made a speech which I thought was quite horrible; rather than using it to say soemthing nice about me he used it as an occasion to stick the boot in to my mother and the whole thing left a bad taste. He then left without saying goodbye - despite the fact I went over and stood next to him to make sure I said goodbye but he was too engrossed with someone else to even acknowledge me. My SM made it clear she was having a shit time, but what really bugs me is that my half sister got hammered and her and her fiance were on the dance floor following my mother around and barging into her. Fortunately some of my friends got in the way and rescued my mother but I'm so fucking furious that she would do this. I've been really hurt by their behaviour recently but this has really helped harden me up a bit I think- they just really don't give a shit about me.

Just trying to get my head together for when I have to speak to my SM later - I don't want a fight and there's no point talking about any of it as they'll just close ranks but I really cant' deal with all their shit anymore. But I don't really like the idea of cutting them off totally, we have two children (not that they're that bothered about them) but I'm not sure what the best thing is really? Civil from a distance?

I do feel quite bad about having had a massive go at my sister when she may not have been blatantly trying to cause trouble (although she should perhaps stop thinking that the world revolves around her and not take over a dance floor and go around whacking into anyone else on it!) but I think I'll just have to draw a line under it. I've been killing myself all week feeling bad about what I said to her, but actually, she's never felt bad when she's been a total arse with us (phoning hundreds of times in the small hours just after I've had a baby and waking the whole family up because she's pissed, saying she'll take the kids out and not showing up, yadda yadda) and she's never really been pulled up on it, so whilst it doesn't make things fair, it does make me feel slightly less bad. Sort of.

Something else that has helped to harden me up is the amount of times my DS1 (2.9y) ran up to my father saying "Grandad, Grandad!" and grabbing his hand and trying to get him to play with him. He just won't, (not just the other day either) he just pats him on the head and tells him to go away, or that he will play "later". He never does and it kills me every time I see him do this, it's shit and makes me really furious with him.