I'm such a mess.

[Imamess]

I'm writing this because I don't have anyone else to turn to. I have just got home from taking dc's to school and have burst into tears. It's dawned on me that I don't really fit in. Some of the other mums are polite and pass the time of day with me but I haven't made 'friends' with any of them. I try to be friendly, always say 'hello' but sometimes I get the feeling that they are looking at me as if to say 'why's she saying hello to me?'. Even some of the mum's who's children have just joined our school seem to be the ones standing at the gates chatting happily with other mums.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid about that I don't know but I am at the stage where I am also having to rethink my whole lifestyle as I am always running around and rushing. I'll give you an example of a particularly busy day last week.

Drop dc's to school, go straight to Weight Watchers to be weighed, straight from there to an appointment with GP and nurse who were running behind so spent over 1hr 20mins at the surgery, go straight from that appointment to fetch dc's great granny to take her grocery shopping (do mine at same time), drop granny off and have to get to school early as dd and I have eye tests, forgotten something when I left home in the morning so have to call in at home to get it, drop ds at his nan's, dd and I go for eye tests, pick ds up again, get home (it's about 5.45pm) and have to start cooking tea (usual stuff us mums do) and realise that I haven't even had a drink all day, not even in the morning before I left for school.

Most of my days do seem to be that hectic and luckily on that particular day I didn't have to go to work in the evening. And that's another reason my life is such a rush. I have to be at work for 6pm so getting the dc's home from school, doing homework, cooking a meal and getting myself ready is also quite a rush. I don't get home til about midnight and then I have to wind down so probably don't get to sleep until 1am, then my ds is up at 6am so I'm permanently knackered and some mornings find it really hard to drag myself out of bed,so if I'm late up then it's another mega rush to get the kids to school on time and quite often we're late.

I also volunteer for a charity that works with famillies with young children, I do that once a week and it takes up a whole morning, I also have a cleaning job that I do during the week and I am doing a course with the open university which I am really struggling with because I can't find the time to do it.

I'm just finding that at the moment I cannot cope with all the rushing round. Something has got to give but I don't know what. Last year I was so run down that I had a really bad bout of tonsilitis and ended up in hospital on a drip because it was so painful and swollen I couldn't even swallow my own saliva. I'm scared the same thing is gonna happen to me again as I can start to feel myself getting really run down again.

I'm sorry this is so long and I know that other people have busy lives too. I just feel like I can't get a grip on things. I can't do one thing well because I don't have time and I guess that is the point about not really having any friends because I don't have the time. I just haven't got the time to be joining the PTFA or doing things like that.

Things are suffering as a result, school is chasing us for library books that my son has no idea where he's put them, I have no idea because I'm usually at work when he does his reading so I don't know what he's even read!! Which makes me feel like a bad mother because I should have the time to be able to listen to my son reading but I haven't most of the time!!

Oh I don't know, I just do not know!!

I am sure you are lovely. I doubt the other mums think anything bad about you. I have poor social skills and in real life and if people I don't know say hello I just look at them like WTF. I have heard that people think I am snobby and I know that my standoffishness has hurt people so I try to be better. I do not really chat with anyone at school either, feel a bit invisible.

I think you are probably overdoing it a bit and have waaaaaay too much on your plate. Do you work every night?

Oh bless you! You are doing sooo much, aren't you? And a lot of it is for other people - looking after Great granny, volunteering for a charity that works with famillies with young children, two jobs, two children and an OU course! RESPECT! No wonder you haven't time for friends and are feeling exhausted.

I was in the same situation as you last year (and I wasn't doing as much as you are!) I was fortunate enough to be able to drop one of my jobs. It has made a big difference to me - although it has taken a while to adjust. Having more sleep, more time to deal with life's essentials is brilliant, but I went through a real down patch as I recovered for a while, and discovered just how stressed I had been.

From your post, it sounds as if you know that something must give. You need to look at what you are doing and see if you can take a break - even if temporarily. You could have a year off from the volunteering, or a term off from OU studies, perhaps? It would allow you to focus on the essentials, and get a cup of tea occasionally too, so that you can go back to those activities when you are refreshed and ready. Life is too short to risk burning out. Time to take stock and to give yourself a break and a treat.

I know exactly how you feel. I say hello to mums but they seem to look straight past me. I once had a conversation with one omum, but now it's as if she is avoiding me. And i only drop one morning a week!

I hate this I always feel like a social misfit and I'm so worried about saying the wrong things and being rejected that i avoid meeting people, so they think i don't care when i do.

It does sound that you are doing way too much. Is there anyway you can slow down?

No I don't work every night,only 3 or 4 a week, but on the nights I'm not at work I'm so tired all I wanna do is sit on my behind and do nothing. I'm in a bit of a catch 22 situation really, I know something has got to give and would really like to give up working in the evenings but I need the money. I have tried to give up the OU course but because I had a grant to pay for it I would have to pay back some or all of it, which I am in no financial position to do. DH had his hours halved at the beginning of this year which financially devastated us. DH now works for himself but we are still trying to claw our way back and there have been the usual obstacles in the way, ie, the car broke down a few weeks ago and cost a lot of money to have fixed so set us back at square one again.

I can't stop the volunteering just now because I have a responsibility to the family I work with. As soon as that 'family' doesn't need me anymore I will definitely be having a break from volunteering.

What would you do in my situation?? I'd be really grateful for honest opinions please.

madrose, I feel exactly the same. Last week I asked one of the other mum's if her ds would like to come out with us for the day as it was my ds's birthday, the reply I got was "sorry we're busy that day". We found out why they were so 'busy' when we drove past their house on our way out for ds's birthday treat because it must have been her ds's birthday around the same time and he was having a party, which my ds hadn't been invited to.!! I know it shouldn't have but that made me feel like shit! Especially as it seemed like everyone else in their class had been invited. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

I can't help but think that if I had time to join all the 'committee's' at school then maybe I be 'accepted'. Pathetic, I know.

Bumping this for you, though you would almost certainly get a better response with a more specific title - something like How on earth do folks have time to work, look after a family and make friends too?