Am I seeing something thats not there??

[somebodiesmum]

Have name changed

Over the past 2 1/2 years my daughter's(she's 11) behaviour has been pretty bad, violence towards myself, her younger brother and my friend, she has refused to go to school on a number of occassions, the police and social services have been involved but up until a few weeks ago they didnt seem to be to bothered by it.

We were refered to cahms but because the behaviour was only seen in the home they had said she wouldnt be seen by them.

2 weeks ago I found something really bad and serious out so informed the police about it. They took away her laptop(her dad bought her and her younger brother it for their christmas) and there was a police investigation. The police are unsure wether she has done this on her own or if she has been groomed
I kept her dad up to date with everything that was going on but his responses are a bit un-nerving
when he was first told his answer was to delete everything and it will be ok
then when i told him the police were involved he didnt seem concerned
after a couple of days he asked if the laptop business was finished with? I told him no
then when i found the videos on the net and told him there was no reaction at all
when the laptop was took away i let him know, there was no response
He's never asked about whats going on, when I told him on wednesday that the police were coming to talk to my daughter he said nothing
last night he asked when was the laptop being returned? I told him monday and when he was next up he could collect it as i didnt want it in here. The wee ones dont need the laptop as there is a pc in the living room with NO webcam and I can see whats going on.
He doesnt get why i dont want it back in here, if shes managed to do it once then it can happen again and i cant take that chance, and i hope that he puts more measures in place down at his than he has been
He doesnt seem to get it
I dont get his reaction
he seems more worried about the laptop than his daughter
maybe I'm reading too much into it but it doesnt sit right with me, he's asked nothing about the police investigation, child protection issues, how his daughter is doing/dealing with this, just when is the laptop being returned.

I realise there is no right or wrong reaction to any of this
but someone please tell me I'm reading more into this than is there

I have told social work about his reations but they dont seem overly concerned so maybe its just me that finds it strange

Strange how that - from when you've told us - DD's dad seems happy to let you deal with this and for you to communicate with police and social services directly by yourself, not him.

I think that

a) you not only need to keep DD's dad away from that laptop - possibly by keeping it with a third party and pretending the police need to retain it for further investigation - and

b) you need to tell police and social services everything you've just told us (whose actions may solve a) anyway ) in writing and accept any response in kind, otherwise your concerns and their brushing under the carpet will effectively disappear into thin air.

I understand your concern about getting this wrong but your gut instinct and need to protect DD outweighs any stigma.

They were from the family protection unit part of the police, they weren't in uniform.

I was very shocked at the way they spoke about treating my daughter if she didn't speak to them, I tried to explain to them that my daughter had difficulties in opening up to people, but I felt they didnt seem to take that on board.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, I hope she does open up to them