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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In light of my earlier thread I think I need to build my self-esteem!!!

14 replies

Jazzicatz · 10/05/2009 19:21

How can I do this??

OP posts:
Jazzicatz · 10/05/2009 21:25

Anyone?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/05/2009 21:27

get rid of that 20 stone of excess weight you are carrying

AnyFucker · 10/05/2009 21:28

seriously, he must have done quite the number on you......

a good (respected) job, a gorgeous face, 2 lovely kids

why is that not good enough for you?

norksinmywaistband · 10/05/2009 21:29

No idea, but if you find out please let me know

Colinfirth · 10/05/2009 21:30

Jazzicatz there is a thread on this - let me have a look - might have some ideas for you...

Jazzicatz · 10/05/2009 21:32

Link

OP posts:
Colinfirth · 10/05/2009 21:33

bah

Jazzicatz · 11/05/2009 08:17

Anyfucker, that has really made me think - thanks

OP posts:
RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 11/05/2009 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

skihorse · 11/05/2009 11:18

A couple of years ago I was a mouse, I'd had abusive partners, I was horrendously overweight, mentally ill and my career was stuck. I wondered if I'd ever meet a nice man.

I took control of my weight and my food. Not in a perverse manner, but in the sense of "my bod is a temple and I'm going to feed it nutritionally" and I started going to the gym on a daily basis before work.

The exercise made me feel invincible and my confidence soared. The physical strength gave me mental health. I do know everyone says to exercise and it's the hardest thing in the world when you feel "crap" with life but it really does help. You don't even need to run around sweating like a loony... wear baggy trackies if you want to and use the weights machine - no sweating needed - you'll soon be lifting more than men (oh my god the power trip! ).

I learned to release my anger at other people - not be the quiet mouse but if someone pisses me off then I push the problem back on them.

I also found that as my confidence grew, the type of man who "abuses" women was fearful of me - why would they want a strong, confident woman who'd kick them in the nuts physically AND metaphorically.

I actually found that lovely, sweet, kind, generous, thoughtful men were EVERYWHERE and I was beating them off with a shitty stick.

I truely believe that my own inner-happiness has led to those equally happy being drawn to me and I really believe that this is because I took control of my body - because this is the only damned thing we can really control in life.

xx

skihorse · 11/05/2009 11:19

PS My career has come on in leaps and bounds since I started sticking up for myself... in fact I have recently been promoted to the same level as an ex-manager who pushed me around because I was too "shy".

Rubyrubyruby · 11/05/2009 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumonthenet · 11/05/2009 13:50

I think Ruby has a strong point.

Self esteem does not come from people telling you how wonderful you are. Which explains why you, with your fascinating job, your pretty face and your sweeeeeeeet boys, have none.

Self esteem comes from discovering that you are OK. (which you are, you just don't know it yet)
So, as Ruby says, step out of your comfort zone.

Do something that frightens you a little. When you've done it- congratulate yourself and do something else. Tiny things. Keep doing it. You will start to believe in yourself and when you do that everything else will change.

Then the next time you DP tries to pull you down.....you'll trust YOUR judgement more than his.

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