Need your views on this situation, what best to do?

[Martha200]

Not my own r/ship, but my DH is away for work. I had a call from him 4am his time because of how he felt about some news he recently learnt.

He met up with a friend, as friends go, not really close, but he and his wife we knew well enough to look after their pets when they went on holiday etc when we used to live out that way. Whilst DH and friend were out, a few more people joined them that knew the friend but not DH. One of them was a lady and she got chatting to DH, DH thought she was a friendly kind of person, then when the pool was over, she, friend and DH went on elsewhere for a drink and chat... turns out and this is just horrid, said lady is friend's g/friend of 2 yrs and has a baby by him the wife of friend knows nothing about it

Said g/friend is married herself with other children.

I and DH are so for being put in this position, DH had a bloody good go at him for this and also how he needs to grow up and decide what he wants to do. Friend announces he still loves wife, but wants to be with g/friend.. he was in tears when DH was having a go at him, and said he was right to have a go at him. Friend also confessed to DH and g/friend he has also slept with another woman too.. DH sooo shocked and has another go at him, telling him the truth will hurt everyone particuarly the wife even more the longer he leaves it.

Friend MUST have known DH would tell me, but I feel really stuck. The wife deserves to know, but I'm not sure it should come from us, I feel sick knowing this before the wife and what will she think if she finds out we know. Their r/ship is really none of our business, but this is deceit at its worst.

So, if you have been in the situation of the wife, or somebody who found out their friend had a secret person/family on the go, what did you do? I can't tell you how angry I feel at this guy.

well your very right you absolutely cannot tell this woman, or let on that you know, but your DH needs to make this man tell his wife, by threatening that he will if he wont do it himself. This is vile and wrong

the husband has no respect for his wife by letting on to your DH that this situation occuring, not that hiding it would make it better but it seems v flippant to me. Presuming GF knows fulness of situation -wife etc, she is a fool too.

I would be livid with the husband, but you cannot tell this woman., however he has to, and she has a right to know sooner than later. do they have thier own kids?

Fortunately they do not have their own kids, and I remember when they got together they said they didn't want children, but things can change so I would feel for the woman because she may very well be thinking about it sometime.

GF very aware of his situation as she knows the wife too. How her husband has not clocked I do not know, because, the third child is somewhat different in colour variation apparently.. he maybe turning a blind eye.

Both friend and wife have the kind of jobs where it has been more than possible for this outside r/ship to have occurred but I feel sick thinking about it, wife very nice person.

that is simply disgusting, i asked about children as it would have added a level of complication if the wife had for example wanted children but couldnt have them - to be told GF has her H's child would be an extra kick in teeth?

what has your hubby told this arse?this woman has rights to this knowledge, as does the GF's husband, this is a very unfair situation to of put u and your DH in! GF sounds like an evil bitch, and WIfe's H sounds a coward- if the two of them wanted to be together they should of finished current relationships, this is a case of have your cake and eat it..

i can see what your saying about the wife not knowing but you cant help what you know, if u tell her she may not believe you, may turn into a me & him against the world situation...

What a horrible situation for you & your dh to be in.

I would absolutely make your friends dh tell his wife what he has been up to.

He sounds an absolute wanker & possibly wants it all to come out or else why would he have let your dh & gf chat together?

Gf sounds a bitch as well.

I am waiting to hear from DH again because he is seeing friend tomorrow (only because he sees it as a chance to push friend into telling the truth to the wife.) DH and I in different time zones!

I think the wife would believe DH, because he is a decent bloke, but I know it will hurt him a lot if he has to be the bearer of bad news.. so I know he will push again for friend being honest. He also told g/friend that if they choose to be together, best she stamps all over his tendencies to look elsewhere for a shag.

All I want to do is give my DH a hug and tell him he is doing the best he can with the friend, and we'll talk more about this when he returns home if said friend hasn't taken steps in honesty.