Signs of an abusive man?

[SideMouth]

I am about to move in with my partner but I have a niggling voice at the back of my head telling me to reconsider.

DP comes across as a nervous, shy, harmless man ... funny (in a 'doh, why did I do that!) kind of way ... friendly ...

But there is another side to him.

He is very bitter about his ex, told me she was 'absolutely useless' because she failed her driving test twice.

He goes on about my ex, slags him off constantly even though he's never met him. Says he'd rather not bump into him etc.

He gets funny about any male friends and tries to limit my contact with them. For instance one man (he's only 20) has been car sharing with me for a couple of years for the gym, sometimes he drives, sometimes I drive ... DP is now insisting that I just use his car and let the other bloke make his own way there.

On the road its like he purposely goes out to cause agro. Like if it's his right of way, he'll GO ... regardless of anyone else coming the other way. A car cut across him the other day, DP saw it well in time and instead of slowing down and just letting him get past, he actually sped up so he almost hit him and then called him a "fucking idiot" and beeped the horn over and over again.

Today it was his right of way but another car had already started coming through ... DP drove directly forward as if the other car didn't exist and almost hit him head on, the other car had to dodge quickly.

Its so strange because at other times he seems like the most gentle, "silliest" bloke in the world, nobody would ever guess he had another side to him.

I have brought up the topic of domestic violence before and he goes on about how much he hates it and its wrong etc etc ... is it all crap or am I being paranoid?

I agree he sounds bad. Although aggressive driving is nto of itself a definite sign. My partner is a somewhat aggressive driver but has never been abusive or violenet to anyone in "real life"

the aggressive driving could or could not be a bad sign (apart from being bad in itself, obviously)

persistent slagging off of his ex is usually a bad sign

but the real clincher is trying to control your access to other people

I'm afraid this is the classic sign of an abuser

I have never heard of a man who did this who did not eventually end up abusing his partner

in fact, it's a form of mental abuse in its own right

run NOW

Sounds like my ex.

Huge red flags flying here. Always TRUST your gut, it is telling you stuff for a reason.

OMG

What are instincts for if you don't use them?
They are designed to protect you from harm.

I would always check out what happened to ex ps, see if you can find out. Even get him CRB checked.

It sounds as if he is not even hiding his abusive/aggressive side to spill such venom over triviality.

Please don't be taken in by the quiet, charming demeanour.

You have been warned.