I'll try to keep this as brief and to the point as possible.
I was with my ex for 5 years. Before that, I was a single mum.
In the first 3 and half years, I put up with so much crap from him. He left me without so much as a note 5 times for his x g/f, who wrote me nasty emails and laughed down the phone at me, wishing my DS dead or brain damaged.
I don't know why I took him back so many times, I guess i loved him, and believed him when he said he really really wanted to make things work with me.
He stole money from my bank using my card at an ATM on one of the occasions that he left me, then I had his x g/f ringing me to tell me he had bought her a new mobile with the money. (It was my rent money!)
He either wouldn't or couldn't hold down a job for long. I think 6 weeks was his usual, but it could be as little as a day. I struggled to provide everything for us all. He also liked to gamble abit.
He moved into my house quite quickly, and I fed him, put a roof over his head, let him use my car to get where he needed to go, paid most of the bills, and gave him all of my DS cast off clothes. I bought him work boots, cigarettes, most everything he needed to make a life for himself. He had virtually nothing but the clothes on his back when he first came to me.
He flitted between his x g/f and mine until 18 months ago. Every time he came back, she would email me to tell me that he was a thief and a liar, had stolen jewellery from her and her children and slagged me off, even intimately personal things. She always vowed never to have him back, but lo and behold, he would worm his way back in.
With both of us.
Although he hardly ever had any money, he would cook, clean, and was a whizz with the housework, but I didnt want a househusband, I wanted a man to help support the household and pay his way.
We got engaged a yr into our relationship. Since then he has pawned my engagement ring 5 times. (It's sitting in a pawnbrokers as I type.) I paid to get it back 3 times.
Loads of other stuff that I cant remember at mo.
I got so far in debt trying to support him that I couldn't get out of it on my own, he chopped and changed his jobs so often. (He has had approx 48 jobs in 5 yrs, but blames me for losing most of his jobs, and if its not me, its his employer.)
So when he told me that he was finally going to change, I prayed he would, so I could begin to dig myself out of the debt I was in. (99% in my name)
In 2007, I got pg, and had my gorgeous baby in 2008. During my pg, he became so controlling, he wanted to know where I was, who i was seeing and what we were talking about. After we had baby, he got worse, although he was holding down a 3 day a week job by now, he wanted to know everything that I did, every day. When I didnt tell him, he called the police and reported me as missing with mental health issues. I couldn't kick him out, police wouldn't support me, and he physically refused to leave, as well as threatening suicide.
He also punched me while I was pg, and his mother was convinced I had PND. I went to dr with ex who told ex that I was angry and frustrated, not depressed at all. He still called police after that saying I had mental issues.
He has no friends. I almost lost my home for not paying the rent because I couldn't afford it, and when he said he paid the rent, he hadn't. I issued him with an ultimatum, show me the receipt or leave, he went back to same x g/f, telling me he went to a friends.
He eventually left after an argument in which the police were called, and took our baby with him.
I went to court, for an ex parte order for him to return her. He told me on phone he would return her, but only if he came back too. I wasn't willing to accept that.
Judge wouldn't issue ex parte order, and he was given a penal notice to attend court. I got baby back a week after he left with her.
Since then, he has rented himself a room not far from me (which he says housing benefit are stalling on paying for) He has been seeing baby lots.
Lately, it has gone awry again. He accuses me of cheating on him all the time, quizzes me about where i have been, who i have seen etc, and rifles through my letters and papers to dig holes in my life and my parenting, but says he wants us to be together and insinuating he will kill hisself if he cant be with me. I gave him £300 to buy the things he needed for his new place, only to find 4 days later, he stole another £100 from me. He denied it at first but it could only have been him. Then he admitted it.
I now have residency of baby. SS were involved because the night he went, I was violent to him but SS were satisfied that I was a good mother.
He has broken promises, humiliated me infront of friends by telling them things I have told him in confidence, flirted with them in front of me, met other women online. It's been a nightmare 5 yrs. I have done everything to make it work with him, but I cant.
There is more but I dont wanna bore you all. lol.
I think he has gone back to same x g/f.
I am left up to my eyes in debt, living on benefit, no car and no decent chance of getting out of this hole for many yrs, while he has just moved on.
The last couple of times he came to see baby, we have ended up arguing which has upset baby. He seems to do it deliberately to wind me up, going through my letters and phone, then quizzing me about what he finds. He has contributed very little since he has gone (prob £40 worth in 3 months, although he's had meals at mine, and at least £400 cash from me)
I am so angry at how far back I find myself. I wasted 5 years. My baby will grow up not having a good relationship with dad, and I will struggle for yrs. I have some good friends but I dont want to burden them with this all the time.
Why do I feel he has got away scotfree while I am left with all the responsibility??
Maybe I just needed a rant, I dont know, but x now tells me I wont be seeing him again ever, and i wont hear from him again. I think he is just saying this to manipulate me because i told him we are over.
Why do i feel i have been left stuck in the crap while he is off living a better life??
Grrrr!!!
His family dont bother with seeing baby now, and I am left further back than when i met him. I am so angry at what he has done to me.
I find myself hoping he has gone back to his x g/f so he can be her problem now.
Everytime i did manage to get him out of house, he would wait outside to get back in, or sit round my friends houses crying.
Since I last saw him, he has just disappeared off radar though, although I haven't tried contacting him. I am too angry. One of the last things he said to me was to tell me to sort my life out. That led to me shouting at him alot and baby was upset by it all.
Why couldn't he be bloody normal and sort his head out. Why did he have to be so controlling and manipulative? Why is he so bloody awful??
I am sitting here on my own, in the dark, wondering what do i do now, day in, day out, how do i begin to pick the pieces up again when i just dont have the motivation.