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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP just completely ignoring people when they're speaking

28 replies

BuzzleGumz · 09/05/2009 19:22

Might seem petty but its driving me nuts.

DP just completely ignores people when they're speaking to him. I first noticed this with me ... I would say something like "What did you think to that chicken last night?" and he would show no acknowledgment that I'd spoken and would say something like "I never did post those letters, I'll do it tomorow" I could repeat the question 3 times and he'd still answer with someone completely unrelated as if he wasn't listening.

Today it was:

"I think a seagrass carpet would like in our bedroom ... "

he replied

"ha! have you seen the paint on my feet? do you have paint on yours?" he then checks my feet and has a good laugh about that.

I then repeat

"Seagrass carpet in the bedroom, what do you think?"

He replies

"no footrubs for you tonight! that's for sure!"

I then snap "you listening? I've asked you twice about the bedroom carpet"

He replies "oh yeah, it would look nice"

I thought it was just me he did it with but I've noticed he does it with his daughter too.

In the car the other day:

"dad ..... dad ..... hello?? dad? ..... "

He was just sat there completely blanking her.

he poked him in the back of the head. He snapped "WHAT??" so he obviously heard her the first few times!

Then tonight I actually felt quite sorry for her. She was going out to a sleep over, she finally got ready and shouted up from the front door that she was leaving:

DSD "I'm going now"
DP "Do you think we'll have enough paint?"
DSD "I'm setting off now dad ... "
DP "oh we'll have to make do ... "
DSD (sighs) "bye then"
DP "I'll start on this wall ... "
DSD "BYE!"
DP "it shouldn't take us long"

I snapped finally "DSD is talking to you!"
he shouted down "WHAT??" so she replied "I'm going! bye!"

DP - "I'll put us in some lunch soon" oh ffs ...

Is it ignorence or what?? is there a genuine reason for someone to act like this?

OP posts:
poshwellies · 09/05/2009 19:31

Has he got a hearing problem? Jeez,that would annoy the hell out of me.

Original poster
BuzzleGumz · 09/05/2009 19:32

No he doesn't have a problem with hearing, he hears stuff I don't hear half the time like something moving in the garden etc ... it's like he delibrately ignores people.

OP posts:
peggotty · 09/05/2009 19:33

Yes maybe hearing? In denial about it? Or just able to zone out easily?

slowreadingprogress · 09/05/2009 19:34

oh my GOD how annoying!

Time to bawl him out about it.

blank him completely every time he wants sex. He'll soon change!

bellabelly · 09/05/2009 19:35

Think you might be married to my DH. Exasperating, isn't it?

littleboyblue · 09/05/2009 19:36

My dp ignores people quite alot, or rather pauses too long before responding, almost like there is something wrong with him. I have asked him bout it on a number of occasions and he says that as I'm the motor-mouth, he isn't used to people talking to him, he just assumes they are all talking to me My name is not John (neither is his, but ykwim), his sister does it too. Most odd

hullygully · 09/05/2009 19:37

Borderline autism, most men suffer from it.

wotulookinat · 09/05/2009 19:50

You're so right, hullygully

prettyfly1 · 09/05/2009 19:56

lol - mine is the same -grrrrr

EvenBetaDad · 09/05/2009 20:04

BuzzleGumz - is he worrying about something and distracted because he is thinking about whatever it is all the time?

Or perhaps is he lacking sleep?

Comewhinewithme · 09/05/2009 20:04

My DP does it too I hate it when I can hear the dc saying his name and getting no answer . I do pull him up on it all the time though .

Rubyrubyruby · 09/05/2009 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrushWithEyeliner · 09/05/2009 20:23

I think men do this a lot tbh - it is a kind of disorder I think

Rubyrubyruby · 09/05/2009 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsFlittersnoop · 09/05/2009 20:28

The normal male response to a direct question involving "seagrass carpet in the bedroom" will be a complete shutdown of all mental faculties.

It's called "selective deafness". Most men suffer from it.

CrushWithEyeliner · 09/05/2009 21:31

LOL why is it so familiar to all of us? My DH genuinely disappears mentally for huge chunks of the weekend spent with us, I think he is actually visualising 12 Buxom Blondes serving him cocktails in Accapolco or something....

EvenBetaDad · 09/05/2009 21:53

Sorry ..... what did you say? I was just visualising something.

SomeGuy · 09/05/2009 22:05

did somebody mention sex?

BellaNoir · 09/05/2009 22:09

I made my DH get his hearing tested.....it's fine. The guy in the shop (they were doing free tests) said they'd had alot of women and their DPs coming in.
So it is selective deafness

MintyyAeroEgg · 09/05/2009 22:18

Do you have another thread about your dp (and decorating his dd's bedroom) on MN tonight?

If it is you (apologies if not) then I really do think, as I and many others have said on the other thread, that you should not move in with dp - and possibly think about ending your relationship with him.

traceybath · 09/05/2009 22:21

Agree with mintyy - you seem to be very irritated with your dp at the moment. Probably not the right time to move in with him.

MiniMarmite · 09/05/2009 22:24

Mine does this too...it drives me insane!

I first noticed this when his mother was speaking to him, but several years later he started ignoring me too...not sure if this says more about him or my similarity to his mother

Parmageddon · 09/05/2009 22:24

Agree with mild autism. Especially when you mentioned v sensitive hearing to stuff in the garden but at same time can't focus on immediate conversations. Don't think there's much you can do about it. If you tried to discuss it with him, he wouldn't hear you .

pingviner · 09/05/2009 22:51

Buzzle, youve posted more than one thread about this chap, with irritations, concerns and worries... Are you looking for things to critisise or does he genuinely annoy you so much? Either way it looks like a disaster waiting to happen.

I really dont think you should move in with him - and I think you probably know it too

ravenAK · 09/05/2009 22:54

I do it - I just zone out & bumble about until dh or one of the kids says 'Oi!'.

Although in my defence I do have damaged eardrums & impaired hearing.

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