My Ex partner is being horrible and with holding maintenance payments.

[maltesers]

I really need your support mnetters . My Ex came to pick up our son 8 yrs this morning. We ended up having an argument over access and money. Last weekend i kept my ds as he is a chorister and had a full schedule singing over the bank hol w.end. My Ex was most put out. He then at the last minute asks to collect ds from school after i had made plans for him to stay on at school for tea and homework (its a boarding sch.) before the sch.play he was in. Ex was most annoyed i said no to this idea as plans were in place already. He then offers to get ds on fri (yesterday) after school to which i said no, and i would keep him as usual till the Sat. So when he arrived to get ds this morning we ended up rowing bout the situation, so he then witheld the maintenance money which he normally pays me at the w.end. I then said that ds was not to go for the w.end, but ds wanted to. So i let him .
Not a nice situation to put ds in, and i feel guilty bout it. But my Ex is very controlling and fiesty and verbally aggressive and a bully. I stand up to him now but it causes rows. He finally agreed on txt later to pay me on a standing order as i keep requesting, instead of cash each week; then i dont have to stand at the front door in the begging mode with hands out for his money (very belittling) ...If we argue he doesnt hand it to me.
Should i see a solicitor to sort this or just hope he organises a standing order for money each month.?????

One thing I would say though is that changing arrangements at the last minute (on either side) is not good for children - speaking generally here.

malteasers - you're being remarkably civil in this matter, as, indeed, it must be said, your exh is being too. it can be much worse for both partners...

its good that you have a regular s.o set up with your ex now, and have this confirmed in text.

but, to make it easier, wouldn't it be better to have a custody settlement sorted with prearranged times so both your ex and yourself know when and where your ds is? as regards his having the ds sleep on girlfriends floor, or indeed any aspect of parenting, this ds is both yours and your ex, so you both have an input into his upbringing, even if you might not entirely agree as to the ins and outs of it. don't worry, your ds will be fine and he's probably intelligent enough to figure out who's the better parent to follow.