Feel numb, H treating me like rubbish and need to talk to him.

[npg1]

Hi, I think this maybe a long one!

I am so upset/ angry/ let down by him all the time. I am a SAHM all week on my own as he works away in the week. He is very selfish and I feel like it's always about him and me and the kids take a back seat, eg weekennds are often taken up by him saying at the last minute that he will be away saturday or sunday doing something, this weekend helping a friend out so in the meantime I am stuck at home with the kids with no plans.

I can never make my own plans at the weekend as I end up cancelling them for him. I feel he constantly lets me down and I cant rely on him.

I feel so hurt inside, I cant talk to him because he says im in the wrong and he is so stressed at the mo he doesnt want to hear it. I had a go last night and he told me not to speak to him so we havent spoken since. I feel so numb I dont even know what to say to him now but I need to tell him as it's got so bad.

He expects sex when he comes home and I feel used as he pays me no other attention apart from when he wants something.

I dont know what to say to him because everything I do say is wrong and he never understands how i feel, he never understands when he has hurt me and I am upset.

Maybe it's easier to write a letter but I dont know how honest to be, eg that I actually dont want sex with him, it's easier when I am on my own etc etc......

Sorry for the rant, tell me if im the one who is out of order.

you're probably describing many marriages!!

make those plans,and stick to them. develop your own life and he'll either join in or miss out.

You are not out of order to feel neglected and ignored, of course you aren't.

I cant really get a clear picture of your relationship, but do you think counselling would help?

You sound so sad. I don't think you are out of order at all, especially as he sounds like he won't talk about it.

I would write a letter letting him know how you are feeling, how sad you are.

When my H was away during the week it was hard (I was working too, and I think that SAHMdom can be even harder) but he understood that, and would only go out if it was something exceptional. It sounds like he needs to support you more, and start listening.

I feel for you, I feel like that sometimes. I have found that i just have to sometimes make plans of my own at the weekend and just walk out the door and leave him with the kids. ie don't wait for him to agree as he probably won't.

Do you think you can do that? I feel quite scared sometimes of being assertive with DH, but i think that is due to my background and childhood, although DH can be quite domineering, controlling and threatening at times. But I am learning how to be assertive and standing up for myself and it's getting easier to do every time.

I would write a letter but actions speak louder than words. Just walk out the door and leave him to it. If he's there now, do it now.

Thanks everyone. Thats the thing, he isnt even here now. Told me yesterday he had to go out all day today to help a friend out. Even when I do plan things I end up cancelling them as he will have something more important to do.

There is alot more to this than I have written about but dont really want to go into everything and bore you all. He wont have councelling, I asked him years ago and we was not up for that.

I feel a bit like that atm. I'm going to write my DH a letter as I'm going out as soon as he gets back from work and I want him to be able to think about what I'm saying without 'shut up....why are you nagging me....but you do xyz...give me a break...I don't want to talk now...' etc etc. I think you should try that maybe? good luck x

You don't have to have sex with him. You're a human being who deserves respect and her feelings listened to, as much as he does.

It sounds like there's a lot of inequality in the relationship.

Also it doesn't sound as though he will listen even if you do write it down,

there's a chance he might change his attitude but if he doesn.t, you need to change what you are offering him, ie step back and take proper care of your own needs and interestes without thinking of him first iyswim,

sorry you're going through this, it sounds very lonely.