It's all getting to be too much

[newnameforthis]

Sorry, I've changed my name for this because I'm embarassed and ashamed. I've always had problems with my weight - but the last few months I've "become" bulimic. It started after I had a miscarriage a few months ago and it's getting worse and I'm getting really scared. My partner is away during the week so he's got no idea - I can hide it at the weekends. I have been feeling low lately and went to the dr the other week who put me on some anti-depressants. I wanted to tell him about the bulimic stuff but just couldn't. I'm this supposedly together professional but slowly things are falling apart. My work is beginning to suffer because I am so tired all the time that I can't concentrate. I don't want to go in but know that if I stay away it will make things worse.

I'm worried all the time about my dp's fidelity to the point of checking his phone, checking numbers in his phone etc. I'm also worried about how this is affecting my dd who is 5. She sees me be sick though she doesn't know I do it to myself so she's worried about me. I'm falling apart, I realy feel that I can go on anymore.

I don't know what I'm expecting from anyone - just someone to listen because I've not been able to tell anyone what's happening.

I am so sorry to read this. You seem to have a lot of worries on your mind right now. What is the way forward? Surely you have to go back to your GP. How do you feel about that prospect?

The anti-depressants will kick in soon and you'll feel better. Sorry you are feeling so bad.

Oh Lord

What to say, can you break your problem down into bits??

Are you TTC ?? if so this should happen in time, when I m/c'd after years and years of trying, the only thing that kept me going was, I have done it once I can do it again.

You will need to speak to someone re the bulimnia, I am not going to preach to you re the dangers and damage etc.,

Ask your GP to sign you off for a week and this time tell him why.

Has you DP given you cause for concern re his fidelity ??

I am not very good at this sort of thing, hopefully someone will be along soon who can really help.

LGJ, my dp is wonderful, he's never given me any reason to think that he's done anything like that. I just can't understand why he'd want to be with me when I know he could do much better. He's not my dd's dad - he came into our lives when dd was 3 and has stuck with us even though I know it's not been easy. On one level I know I'm pushing him away with my insecurities but I just cant stop and it scares me.

I just don't know how to sit across from my gp and tell him about everything. It was bad enough the other week when I went and he gave me the anti-d's. I just didn't want to add something else to the list of problems I was telling him about.

Most of all I'm scared of feeling like this and scared of where it's going to end. I'm trying to take control but most days I just want it all to end because I really feel I can't cope.

Has your GP got an e-mail addy ??

Could you e-mail him and then make an appointment??

Have you got a close friend you could tell?

Hi newnameforthis, I dont know much re bullimia but would echo what the others are saying, re going back to ur gp. You have taken a huge step in going to the gp, is there maybe a helpline you could ring? I came off adds three wks ago and have been in counselling for a while which has been really good. Please try and confide in someone professional, I admire you for coming on here and would say mn has been my saviour in a lot of ways but I think you would benefit hugely by getting professional help, anyway good luck an hope it works out for u

Newnameforthis,

Would suggest you have a look see at this website to start with:-

www.anorexiabulimiacare.co.uk

You need professional support to help you overcome your bulimia. This is a long standing problem, it did not just happen overnight and recovery will be a long process. You can go onto recover from this, you can overcome this and get yourself back on an even keel. You need professional help though this, this is not something you can recover from on your own.

Would also suggest you talk to the Miscarriage Association re your recent miscarriage. Their telephone number is 01924 200799.

You need support - please be brave and talk again to your GP. He/she will not be shocked or ashamed by you talking to him - they are there to help you. Talk with your partner as well; he probably senses that something is well amiss even though he is not there during the week.

You are trapped in a vicious circle; your anxiety is making you check your DP's phone when in all likelihood it does not need checking. This and your general and longstanding unhappiness with life is making your bulimia worse.

Your partner is with you because he loves you and has chosen to be with you; your low self esteem though is making you question why he wants to be with you at all (this is also why you are checking on him).

I urge you to seek professional help from the above people - your GP is also a good starting point in this regard.

I wish you well

Newnamefor this, I know how you feel about not wanting to speak to your GP about this. I feel the same way about a problem I have. But, you are really not happy the way you are now, are you? Might not steeling yourself and going back and explaining things fully mean that you can get the help you need? They are used to hearing about all sorts of problems, so you will not be saying anything totally new to him. Or perhaps you could see a female GP or another GP to the one you normally see?

Have you told your dp the way you are feeling?

The thing is that I don't even really know what asking my gp to do for me. I know that might sounds totally stupid but what's he going to do when I go in and tell him what's wrong? I'm so scared by what I've become.

Meerkats, you're right, I do have self esteem problems and that is why I check his phone. I do constantly question him about things. Does he know something is wrong? I'm not sure. He knows I was sick last night but he thought that was because we had a dodgy chinese on way back from the pub (my dd was with her dad this weekend hence us even going out). It's getting harder to hide how I'm feeling though. I'm so tired and worn out and even the simplest task seems like hard work. The prospect of going to work tomorrow terrifies me because I know I'm not up to it but will somehow muddle through.

Sorry for going on - I do just feel so out of control right now.

Could you print out this thread and take that along for your GP to read? Not having to explain things cold but asking him to read this (or something else you write down explaining your feelings and actions) might provide the starting point you need.