I'm not sure how I feel about you...but I'm lonely.

[idontlikethisperson]

Do all men who leave their families come up with the same spiel (sp)?

Just wondering as I'm reading the threads that you've all written and it seems a common theme - the H leaves because he is "no longer in love", moves out, causes terrible emotional turmoil, then a few months later has a sort of breakthrough moment and realises how lonely they are without the wife and kids, BUT doesn't necessarily want to come back and make it work.

Is it me or is it because
A) they've had a taste of the single life and they like it, but not as much as they thought, but don't want to fully admit
B) have no idea how to handle their feelings
C) are seriously emotionally immature
D) are SELFISH
e) are full of guilt because they don't want to be seen as someone who's left their family (but have)
F) as much as they don;t want their wife, they don't want anyone else to have them either - so they are always there for them just in case?

Why does this seem to be a common thread amongst men? (I am experiencing this too, although my H has told me he's lonely and misses being without DD, but we're "just not suited" ((Or something like that, even after being together for 11 years!))

Just a thought?

Ninah, I agree.

I would love to have the option of going away, but I don't. Or going to the cinema on a weekday night, but I don't (unless i arrange babysitting, I mean the freedom is not there).

I know it can be souless, the single life, posh, and I would never ever wish to be without my DD, but it is unfair.

Ninah, when my H went away with my DD for a weekend, I didn't miss her too. I began to think I must be a terrible parent for thinking that, and perhaps I don't love my DD, but as someone pointed out to me, perhaps I just needed some time off because I was very stressed?

I think another thing that is hard, is that as women, perhaps we're expected to take to parenting like it's easy peasy, that we love it, it's so fulfilling, that it's the most amazing thing in the word. Some women do find it like that. But others don't. In the midst of all my relationship turmoil, I don't. In fact I could run screaming from the house at times. If my ex doesn't have to be doing all this, when why should I? I would love to be out there talking with adults, earning my own money, travelling the world - but I can't. I have my DD, whom I love, and there are limits. But I wish more mums would stand up and say how hard it is, rather then cover it up. At times it is the most draining job in the world. At times it is the most rewarding.

You know, when I say that I missed DS I almost feel guilty about it, because I do enjoy my childfree time mostly. nd I think it is very important to enjoy time doing non-parent stuff and to do non-parent stuff, because this idea that women in particular can't be anything but mothers once they have given birth is actually pretty toxic.

idon'tlike - namechange please?
of course you are not a terrible person. Or if you are, that makes me a monster. Despite dc you are still you, a person, and need time to express that. The opportunities increase as time goes by, and I suppose we should focus on the fact that unlike the absent parent whose life has been less affected by dc, we have the adrenalin to focus on the free time we have and make it memorable. You just have to do the best with what you've got, don't you? Ever seen the film Green Mile where he plays the Mozart aria in the prison yard? I suspect that, all in all, I am happier as a person than exp.