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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

why is he such a headF**k

10 replies

ahhhmen · 07/05/2009 18:54

Me and my xp split up on new years day this year, this was after a very rock year last year we had a trial seperation for 4 months then decided to try again, which was all fine for a couple of months then it he just seemed to suddenly change.

We've managed to keep it all fairly amicable, and have pretty much stayed friends, I had a shock about a week ago that he is now seeing someone else, which I would of been ok with except the fact that 1 of the reasons we had problems when we were together were due the v flirty texts I found on his phone from this girl, he has always said its just innocent fun, which I found v hard to believe but gave him the benefit of the doubt!

Anyway fri night I get a call from him pissed out of his face saying he's coming over at 3am! I told him not to but he did anyway, let himself in, he still has a key because he picks ds up from nursery and takes him to my house whilst I'm at work. He then gets into my bed naked and tries to have sex with me. I didnt sleep with him and eventually he passed out.

The next morning he manages to persuade me to kiss him and we have a little fumble, which I know was really stupid of me. I didnt actually have sex with him though, when I asked about the ow he told me I got it all wrong and that he just has a laugh with her and hasnt slept with her.

So after he left, I text the ow asking what was going on between them because I feel I derserve to know when he turns up at my house at 3 in the morning. I didnt get a reply but half an hour later get a phonecall from xp asking why I text her and that she is really upset etc. I told him I didnt want to be messed around and he cant just come round to my house and expect to sleep with me. We had along chat and he said he still thinks about me all the time and is still physically attracted to me, but we cant be together because we just dont get on.

I just dont understand him, its so hard because we do get on really well at the moment and I still have feelings for him, we text each other most days, which is really not helping me get over him. I cant stand the thought of the 2 of them together, how do I stop feeling like this?

I am making a point of getting on with my life, Ive been camping with my ds (which he would never do). Ive got a good group of friends who I see a few times a week, but he is always at the back of my mind.

OP posts:
nkf · 07/05/2009 18:58

What's not to understand? I'll be blunt. He's got a new woman and he still fancies the old one. He'd like to have you both.

That's him sorted. Now for you. It won't be easy but if you want to get over him, you will have to draw some more boundaries. Not easy if you still like him but this sort of together but not really together won't make you happy.

I hope it will get better soon.

AnyFucker · 07/05/2009 19:04

I agree with nkf

don't be a mug

stop communicating with him, other than around arrangements or the dc

he wants to shag you both, don't give him the opportunity

if he really needs a key (are you sure??) then put a chain on the door so he can't get in when you are there

oh, and tell him to fuck off

lou33 · 07/05/2009 19:08

what af says

mollyroger · 07/05/2009 19:10

I was composing a reply, but then read AF's and can't better it!

MadameCastafiore · 07/05/2009 19:10

Yep tell him to feck off and then go to the clap clinic if he is sleeping with the OW and then fumbling with you!

serenbeca · 07/05/2009 19:12

He is being so unfair and bloody selfish have met a man like that before! What you feel is normal you cant just stop loving someone overnight sounds like you are doing all the right things getting out etc. Be good to yourself these things take time

ahhhmen · 07/05/2009 19:27

Thanks for your replies, I think you are all right and when Ive just read my post back, Ive realised how pathetic I am being. He is a liar and a cheat and IF he didnt cheat on me he has cheated on his new girlfriend and I shouldnt want to be with someone like that.

OP posts:
mollyroger · 07/05/2009 19:30

amen to that

Onwards and upwards m'dear, and leave this piece of shit in the gutter where he belongs

AnyFucker · 07/05/2009 19:42

aww, good girl ahhhmen

please be strong and don't let him use you

you are better than that

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 07/05/2009 22:58

It's OK to have friendly sex with an ex IF you are both clear about what you are doing and not supposed to be in an exclusive relationship with anyone else.
This sounds like a bloke who thinks 'mmm, fancy a shag, oh well AM will do, I've still got a key and she's pretty desperate'. SO not desirable in the least.
You'll do fine without him.

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