pls cheer me up and tell me who's got the worst mil

[fernzmal]

been going through a paricularly bad patch recently, everything's just been piling up on top of me (this isn't my usual name for posting). The problem is the mil, have never got on well with her but recently she has made me depressed she caused me to have pre-natal depression while pg a few years ago, i was suicidal and i was suicidal again due to her last weekend, quite badly that i had to have friends over to make sure i didn't do anything. (dh was away). dont really want to go into it but to make a long story short, i have a selfish, ruthless, conniving, scheming witch for a mil.she thinks she has the god-given right to control everything and evrybody and nothing will stand in her way. and dh is a piece of chicken shit who is too scared to say anything. i've accepted that i can't really do much. but i have decided to try to sever the ties between her and me and my child. i am going to do my bloody best to prevent her from ever seeing my child again if i can jolly well help it.altho that may be difficult as dh doesnt even seem to understand.
recent events have made me realise that she may try to take my child away if i am not around despite her not really giving a toss about my child's welfare, so can anyone tell me if i can legally draw up a will that prevents any contact between her and my child if i die? even if dh is alive? she is a bad influence on my child.

having said all of that, can anyone pls cheer me up and tell me your worst mil stories? i really need it right now.thanks

get caller id and dont talk to her, that way you dont have to say no when she asks to see child. this may not apply to you but i was depressed over mil and told xp, he used it against me in court after we split and she just loved it. telling h may not be the best thing to do, although i dont know all your circumstances so cant say for sure - it was a big mistake in my case

I'm the same too , I really don't want anything from her.

Just a nice person, who doesn't call me names, doubt Dh is the DS's father, acknowledges their birthdays etc etc would be good.

All the money in the world can't make her a nice person though so what ever she'd got she welcome to it, I don't want it....but I do feel shitty that DH won't get any because she dislikes me so much.

What would her reaction be if you just refused to go and see her, not giving any 'excuse' or whatever, just saying I don't want to?

Sorry don't know anything about the law. Maybe CAB, or a solicitor specialising in family law? Sorry I can't be of any more practical help.

I will point out that we haven't seen her for over a year(apart from when she walked passed us in the street) and she hasn't got our phone number BUT she still get under my skin and F*cks me off.

Cutting her out of my and the boys life hasn't left me completely stress free, not by a long shot

I know where you are coming from, but i would think there isnt't ant way you could make that pasrt of your will, as it would be your hubby that was in charge of your dd if anything (god forbid) happened to you.... You could always ask, but i don't think it sounds feasable, I know my kids Godparents are my sisters and they have been fully briefed that MIL mustn't get my children on her own...EVER! She lives at the end of our road...and we never see her, except when she wants something.... and then she has the cheek to call DD (3) "The light of her life" WTF? She buys her expensive presents, designer clothes (that are years too old for her and i don't wear them on her) and jewellery... DD is 3!! But all my children really want is some time spent with them...DD adores her Grandad, but he is just too interested in drinking and making money to spend anytime on either of them..
One time MIL babysat DD for me in an emergency..when I came home she said she had LOST her...and their house is beside a busy road and I had told her lock her back door when I left so DD wouldn't get out...huh!! She said "I had the back door open and she disappered, but it was ok as she was just hiding in the livingroom...." The point i tried to make to her was that she COULD have been out the back door and onto the road.... and she has never babysat for us again, and if i have it my way, she never will!

no probs sparkly :-)

my god emmatmg, somehow your mil now sounds much worse than mine.sorry but i am somewhat cheered up a little. apols. doubt that dh is the ds father??i'd bloody punch her nose in.

debs, sorry to hear that. but how can u being depresed be used against you in court? i havent told dh due to the fact that i think he wouldnt be able to help me anyway. i've just been breaking down in tears a lot in front of him thats all. and he doesnt know why.

what do i do?????????????

It sounds like one of your major problems is with your dh. If he doesn't see it as a problem I can't see how you can cut her out of your lives. Could he just take your ds to see her so you never have to go?

to be fair, i dont think court took much notice but he kept bringing it up and it made me feel crap. i would just say you are no longer going to have her in your life, if he sees her its up to him but you expect him to side with you. sorry, dont think theres much i can say to be useful

My MIL would take my son given the chance, We have already arranged where the kids woould go if something happened to us, because she isn't get her hands on my kids EVER!!

To quote her she said to DH when ds1 was a baby "xxxxx is not my grandson and good luck to you if you think he's your son"

After everything thats gone on I very much doubt she thinks any different about ds2+3.

Don't apologise, I'm glad it's making you feel better, I could bitch about her all day if you want

Oh and if she had of said it to me I would have punched her..........really hard!

fireflyfairy2, really? i cant do that?
your mil sounds terrible. my sympathies.

janos- she'd start yelling at me over the phone and telling everyone i knew what a bad d-i-l i was.she'd definitely tell her son to divorce me, and then lie in court and say i was an incompetent mother. altho its more like she's an incompetent grandmother . i think she has hinted to the son before that he should divorce me and get a better wife who is a better housewife/slave to the mil or something along those lines.he's ignored her so far ..

the thing is, she never calls me up anyway unless i accidentally pick up the phone when she rings. she usually calls her son on his mobile.i already have limited contact/talk time with her as it is. and he will always let her babysit.
see, even if i dont talk to her, whatever it is that she conveys to her son is enough to make me suicidal, as it affects all of us.

I loathe my MIL and we dont speak. I let DH take ds1 to see her if she is around.....she hasnt even seen ds2 yet and he is 6 months. It is her loss and she will end up as a lonely old woman.

When I met DH she didnt like me and when I said I hoped we could be friends she replied, 'We will never be friends. I choose to only have 3 close friends and that is enough!' What a cow!

She is not a popular member of the family and DH doesnt care for her much either.....nor do the rest of the family.

I have cried so many tears over her and how awful it is but NO MORE!! I am a grown woman with 2 wonderful boys and a fab husband and I will not let her spoil anything else for me!

Thank goodness she lives in Amsterdam!!

good for you

well, have to log off for the morn..c everyone later..thanks for all the support

I have two very vindictive sister in laws. They both used my child as a way of hurting me, and when I would refuse to let them look after the baby they'd become tearful, telling people what an evil witch I was, and dd1 was their brothers child and by rote thiers blah blah....
The reality of the situation was, that neither cared for my baby, but both knew that if they took care of her (badly may I add, as neither does nappy changing, so I'd end up with a baby with a really bad bottom at the end of the day) they could regale people of stories of how they bought up my child, and if I refused to let the evil bitches from hell touch my baby then they'd be bawling their eyes out to whomever would care to supply the kleenex!!! Dp was of course completely sucked in, his sisters merely loved their little neice they were being nice I was being the selfish neurotic cow (he didn't say so but it was there in his attitude towards me).
Things got really really bad, until one of the evil bitches from hell came to visit us shortly after I had dd2 (to help would you believe), anyways I changed tact, I was really lovely to the sister, nothing was too much for me, and EBfH having nobody to take out her evilness on, took it out on ...dp he hates her now and now listens when I tell him of the things both his sister's used to do, both dd's are dp's life and I doubt either EBfH will be receiving Christmas cards from us this year or ever for that matter.
Perhaps a change of tact is what is required from you, when mil says I want to babysit, tell her you don't want to put her out, it's her time to enjoy herself, she's done it all before. Tell your Dh you are worried your lo would be too much for your mil to cope with, you are worried about her health something along those lines, make it look like you are looking out for her, kill her with kindness I say, and dont under any circumstances bad mouth her to your Dh, it always back fires.....

I had a mother in law who told me I looked like one of her husband's mistresses. Had. As in past tense.

It's abit like pauline fowler on eastenders , poor sonia, sigh,

This is the closest description to my MIL I've come across:-

This is the child who is ?9 going on 40.? This child takes over the parent role at a very young age, becoming very responsible and self-sufficient. They give the family self-worth because they look good on the outside. They are the good students, the sports stars, the prom queens. The parents look to this child to prove that they are good parents and good people.

As an adult the Family Hero is rigid, controlling, and extremely judgmental of others and secretly of themselves. They achieve ?success? on the outside and get lots of positive attention but are cut off from their inner emotional life, from their True Self. They are compulsive and driven as adults because deep inside they feel inadequate and insecure.

my MIL had three children i married the oldest - theres one in the middle she lives next door too - but am sure she has forgotten exists. then there is the youngest son.

oh the youngest sons youngest son will get the house they recently purchased when they die. why him inparticular and not the other 12 grandchildren - well fuck knows. i just smile nod politley and think thank the fking lord i live 300 mils away.

are you suitabley cheered fernzmal?

i think i would win. MIL has hated me from day one...and my daught too..whe was 2.5 at the time..she thinks her family is too good for me..and lots of other things..she never even asked if i needed anything when i was pg for her first blood grandchild....she always always told dh all kinds of reasons why he should divorce me....i was going to hold him back..uumm...i was from the other side of the tracks..hell last time she got mad at me..i got activated with the military and while i was gone she wrote a note to ds ped..saying what a bad mom i was and that they needed to call child protection ...
needless to say ped. knew me better than that..but she will stop at nothing to make my life a living hell..

not yet custardo....

i can identify with so many of these stories.. my mil thinks her family is too good as well...she's constantly asking dh when he'll divorce me for someone better

custardo, the mil's youngest son is also the mil's apple of her bloody eye and he is getting everything and will get everything when she finally kicks the bucket. why him? fuck knows as you so eloquently put it. he can do no wrong. when she's away, dh has to take care of her bloody house even tho we live some 10miles away and the youngest son lives in THAT house for gods sake and can do the watering of plants himself..well he's got hands hasn't he? but no, bloody dh is so scared of incurring her wrath, he turns into a bowl of jelly every two days and mumbles "Omygod I havent watered HER plants for two days, now I'm going to be slaughtered."
bloody hell.
AND when she's around, she expects my dh to chauffeur her around and do the errands and pick up her crap while the youngest son sits on his lazy arse all day.

my mil is also the stingiest woman i have ever met in my life. she likes getting things for free. and if she thinks she can get away with something illegal or unethical, she will do it, as long as it makes her happy.she will trample on everything and anything that gets in her way.she has no morals and she is a cheap, crass piece of trash. (I'm a poet!!) Despite her being so hoity-toity.

PLEASE keep em coming everyone!

my mil sent me a bday card which read " what did i do to deserve such a lovely DIL as you?"

then inside it said
" i raised a smart son!!!!"

i nearly wet miself laughing it was fab - so apt

i reckon you should move far far away. very very soon - get your dh to yourself.

Me! Can't tell you all the details as DH lurking in background.

She's glad that my children aren't too dark.
She wanted DH to leave me for a bimbo.
She regularly lies about me to the rest of the dreadful family.
She hasn't seen any of us for about 5 years (thank the Lord)
On our wedding day she kept the photographer (her current DH) at her house because she wasn't ready - so no before the wedding photos for me.
She chose first which photos she wanted then let me have the rest (she took all the best shots)
She has abandoned her children more times than we have all posted on mn X100.

Will that do. Could tell you more but won't..!

I guess all this teaches us to raise our boys differently and not become silly mother worshippers (or nightmares) by doing everything for them!