I'm finding as our children are getting older, myself and my dh seem to have less in common!

[onthepier]

Myself and my dh seem to have hit a point where we have very little common ground to talk about, other than the dc's.

We are quite different, (he admits he's not a people person whereas I am). His main interests are sport, current affairs and gardening, (when he's at home he'll spend every spare minute gardening), and moans because although I'll spend time out there, chat to him + play with the dc's, he says I never really talk about the garden in depth, whereas he knows every plant, flower in detail and would never tire talking about them. (I'm normally running around getting everything else done while he's out there for hours)!

My family are local whereas his aren't, and I have quite a few friends including being very involved with my dc's school.

I suppose a lot of my conversation is who I've seen, what they're up to etc, and I get a lot of pleasure in having fun days out with the children weekends, and any other children/parents who want to come along! I work with a few people who have dc's similar ages to my children, (11 and 7). My dh will come, but seems bored as if I've dragged him along.

If I've been out with friends it's natural for me to want to come in and talk about the evening but I get little feedback, he says he doesn't get much response when he talks football, current affairs etc. These are the main topics of conversation when we stay with his family. He doesn't say much if he's been out either, says he can't see the point if I don't really know his workmates.

I've tried to interest him in coming to the theatre with me which I absolutely love, but he's bored well before the interval which irritates me. I suppose he's got a point though when he says I'm the same at a football match.

He will take the dc's out, for instance to a castle or stately home, somewhere with history that my dd's interested in through her studies at school, (primary) and this also fits with his interests. Yet suggest a fun trip to the theme park/zoo etc he'll run a mile! I just take them myself as I enjoy it!

He's a great dad, has a very responsible job and likes to relax at weekends (understandably), but I just sometimes wish our interests weren't so different. Just wondered if anybody else finds this with their partners.

You are me. Freaky. Especially the garden thing.

Am looking for answers on this thread.

Is yours also q. antisocial? I have to warn mine at least 2 weeks in advance if I want to invite someone for dinner. He's perfectly affable when the guests are here, but he'd be much happier in all honesty if we didn't have even our low key social life

He's very happy to socialise if it's all pre-arranged, for example if we're going to a party/having people round next Saturday, but if somebody drops round on the off-chance he hasn't got a lot to say, it's almost as if he needs time to get his "sociable" head on! I must admit I like to know in advance if people are popping round though, mainly so I can tidy up + get the living room looking less like a toy shop!

tbh that sounds like a typical marriage
me and dh and my mum and dad have very little in common on the surface
but you find things in common like talking about the kids, mutual friends, politics, films etc
my dh often witters on to me about the latest star wars/lord of the rings/battelstar galactica news and I feign interest and he feigns interst when I tell him the storyline to desperate housewives
he can't abide some of the things I like, BB and EE being 2, lol
I wouldn't honestly worry too much
and the kids to castles etc that is the same too, I don't see the problem, I'm not a fan of theme parks either and we both hate softplay hell

What did you used to talk about/ have in common ? Is there anything there that you can take up again now the kids are a bit older.

Or could you just say to him that you fancy taking up a new hobby with him - something you can do together away from the kids. And then both throw about some ideas until you come up with something that appeals to you both. Preferably something that is new to you both so it is a shared interest from the off.

If your DH isn't much of a talker something active/ sporty might be good. And if it is outdoorsy maybe he could get his 'nature hit' without actually being in the garden?

This osunds liek my mum and dad. They are still married even though kids have left home and thay have a new lease of life.

OP Same here. Nothing in common at all and am dreading the 'empty nest'.

My dp and I have very different personalities and interests. He is not very sociable, but will socialise when I push him to do it (and quite enjoy it, I think).

He is fit, active, and has some nerdy hobbies. I cook, eat, drink, and I am into meditation.

Mostly we pursue our own interests and do the "oh yeah" stuff when the other one talks about it. He indulges my cooking hobby by taking me to exciting restaurants. I indulge his hill-walking hobby by joining him on some trips.

But every so often we find things that we can both enjoy. We went on a canoeing weekend. We went to Spanish classes (prior to going on holiday to South America). We went to wine tasting classes. We went to a Japanese drumming weekend.

I love him partly because he is so different from me, and it makes finding any shared interests all the sweeter.

Me too - this sounds so like my marriage. DH is engineer of few words, which is strange because he reads avidly, listens to new music and has views on things, he just finds it tedious to talk about them. If allowed to he will act like a scoutmaster on speed, doing his share of the housework at 9am on Saturday, clearing up dinner stuff between courses ( all madly irritating) but any sort of socialising seems an effort to him, he doesn't keep up with friends and just seems to want to spend his days swimming and going to gym, watching tv and playing computer chess. DS 1 off to uni this year so I will loose my sole domestic source of conversation and debate. I'm having one last go at trying to get more interaction between us, if it doesn't work I may buy a horse and spend my evenings and weekends with that instead. I do love him very much but sometimes think I'd get more quality contact if we didn't actually live together.