I've been very harsh with exdp and he appears not to be able to take it

[hobbgoblin]

I've essentially laid it on the line with regard to what a selfish, ignorant, arrogant, drunken mess he is. This is because all the above have caused him to treat me appallingly.

Last night he sent me a weird series of messages which frankly made him appear rather screwed up.

I have responded this evening in an extremely frank, and reasonably calm fashion.

He has gone quiet now but did send a text asking me to stop.

The thing is, I am quite perceptive when I am not busy conning myself that the twonk I am wasting my time on is the love of my life and thus I know what I've said will probably be quite accurate and cut to the core rather.

I'm not sure whether I should explain/revoke/or something? It feels like my comments may have gone too far, no matter how accurate they may be. We do have to be co-parents soon so I can't just walk away.

Equally, I need to be strong in the face of a man who has been quite happy to bring me way, waaaay down over the last 18 months.

WWYD? I feel pity for him right now. He is a mess.

[AnyFucker]

Just keep your dignified silence now

I am glad you have told him some truths, they are waaaaaay overdue

Do not assuage his guilty conscience, that is what he wants from you now

He is a mess of his own making

Hobb, you rock

[HolyGuacamole]

Hobbgoblin - so you gave him a load of the pent up anger and/or emotions that have been driving you mad for the last months huh? Part of me says 'good for you lady' but also I understand you do need to co-parent with him.

I do honestly think though, on this occasion he is big enough and ugly enough to take it considering what he has put you thru.

[HolyGuacamole]

AF said it better than me

[OptimistS]

Don't know the background of any of this, but at face value I'd say give it 24 hours then send a text saying something along the lines of, "Right, now we both know how each other feels, let's make a concerted effort to move on, treat each other with courtesy and respect, and never lose sight of the fact that DC comes first."

I don't know if what you said was OTT or not, but if you genuinely felt it needed saying, don't let guilt at hurting him make you unsay it.That's why I'd give it 24 hours before responding. If he's a selfish manipulative so-and-so, he's probably banking on going quiet making you feel guilty and apologise and so hand back all power to him.

Maybe you do need to apologise, but make sure it's because you want to, and not because you've been guilted into doing so.

Hope that helps.

[hobbgoblin]

AnyFucker, you're still right there with me! Thank you!

We both had kind of separate invites to the same birthday party at the weekend. I was there with my DC and he was with his. We spent some time together but I was quite cool with him. Our DC played together.

What I noticed was that he was the only father there that wasn't running around with his children. I wasn't either but I am v. pregnant!

He really stood out as being disinterested and very selfish, and the other dads were so much more attractive for being involved with their DC. I know he cares heaps about his children but it is a somewhat selfish love.

That really helped me stay focused on where I am supposed to be heading in respect of he and I. The messages yesterday compounded it. He was almost certainly drunk, asking me to come and see him and ordered me food to his house (wtf?) and talking about sex. Total stream of consciousness because amidst it all he texted 'fuck off'.

Very sad, very odd.

[hatesponge]

totally agree re keeping quiet for now, but please don't feel bad about having told him a few home truths. I remember some of your posts from a while back & how upset he'd made you by leaving - am so pleased you are obviously feeling much stronger now, and I guess now he is facing up to how he has screwed up and what he's lost.

It's hard though - I went through a phase of my ex behaving very oddly, being very upset and emotional - I did feel sorry for him (as I would for anyone in distress) but also remembered the past and that in essence he had brought it on himself.

[AnyFucker]

how are things today hobb?

[hobbgoblin]

Hiya

Last night he just stayed pretty quiet and I didn't apologise.

Today he is asking if I want any help with garden and so on.

He wants sex, I'm pretty sure so I've said I want string free help and a mature atiitude to co-parenting and no less.

He just said okay.

[AnyFucker]

oohh, get you

I am lovin this attitude from you

Don't sleep with him, it muddies the waters too much

Watch out for those vulnerable times though, you know what I mean, you've had a good day, you are tired, you want a cuddle, he gives you a back-rub and hey presto...

stay strong