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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have f'king had ENOUGH of MIL, thats it no more...

23 replies

Disenchanted3 · 03/05/2009 20:52

Witch!

She sent a txt about DHs baby nephew being better after bein ill born with 'Im so relieved... all we have to do now is sort your head out' stuck on the end!

I mean WTF??

DH has depression, anxiety, anger issues, I coul;d go on ... why does she feel the need to remind him of it constantly??

Why stick comments like that on totally unrelated texts?!

I texted her back SO SO polietly teling her that this upsets him and I got a barage of abuse back,

shes a nutter,

I was asking if I could phone her so we could talk it over,

she kept send ing messages like 'please bequiet' 'aye aye captain' 'over and out'

this is a 45 year old school techer?!!

She is fucking mental!

Her and her 2 adult daughters blame me for DHs illness... I think its probably got more to do with hsi shit childhood!!

After me crying over this all day DH phoned his mum to 'set her straight' .... he ended up sat there saying 'yes, yes I know... I know mum ok ... don't get upset, of course I wont fall out with you, no don't worry ...'

How the hell is that setting her straight?

I feel like telling them both to fuck off and they can live together in their own little crazy world.

OP posts:

Original poster

Disenchanted3 · 03/05/2009 20:54

its not just that, its loadsss of other incidents, but this is this weeks the latest thing ...

its so draining.

OP posts:

nickschick · 03/05/2009 20:57

Dis you know why he has these issues,she knows you are the one in the real world shes scared that when he is 'ok' he will realise that she isnt.

Aside from the fact teachers like her are the reason I home educate - perhaps shes been the 'boss' with small people for so long its gone to her head and she cant behave 'normally'.

DONT rise to her you know thats what she wants -delete shitty texts and avoid her.

nickschick · 03/05/2009 20:57

Perhaps she has a mental illness?

CoteDAzur · 03/05/2009 20:58

I know this is not what you want to hear, but have you considered that she might not appreciate being told what and how to text her own son?

ravenAK · 03/05/2009 20:58

Did she send the original text to your dh?

If so I'd probably stay out of it...

mammablueeyes · 03/05/2009 20:59

MIL can be very difficult, my MIL is a nightmare, totally OTT when she is actually with me and pretedning to be my best friend I know she is totally slagging me off behind my back because she does the same to my sister in law, DH just says, "I cant do anything about it she is my mum" and just avoids any confrontation altogether. Mummys boys the lot of em! be strong, just make your feeling clear to her that her behaviour is unaccpetable

MrsMattie · 03/05/2009 20:59

What nickschick said. Maybe she is ill, too.

CoteDAzur · 03/05/2009 20:59

If she is 45, how old is your DH?

Most men take a long time cutting the proverbial umbilical cord.

Original poster

Disenchanted3 · 03/05/2009 20:59

DH did say shes a nutter and she treats EVERYONE like a child but he won't say anything with any real truth behind it to her face, which is just him being respectful to his mother really, but it hurts me.

I want him to be on my side ... after all I was defending him iykwim??

OP posts:

Original poster

Disenchanted3 · 03/05/2009 21:01

not on 'my side' that sounds ridiculous, but stand up for me once in a while when his mum and sisters are verbally attacking me

OP posts:

nickschick · 03/05/2009 21:01

I dont think even if he visibly took your side shed stop just dont let it get to you - thats letting her win.

Smile and know you are better than that.

Original poster

Disenchanted3 · 03/05/2009 21:02

He is 23.

OP posts:

stillenacht · 03/05/2009 21:03

school teachers are completely nuts

Original poster

Disenchanted3 · 03/05/2009 21:03

I know nicks, thankyou.

Its been 8 years of this though. 8 years of those 3 not liking me, laughing about me when i was 17, never including me ...

and now it comes out they think its my fault hes ill.

I'm the one that has to live with his ways 24/7 ... they have no idea

OP posts:

unavailable · 04/05/2009 18:04

An alternative view...

Your dh has depression and anxiety issues.
You took it upon yourself to answer the text your mil sent to her son. You then "cried all day", and expect your dh to take "your side".

How is this helping/supporting your dh?

nickschick · 04/05/2009 18:09

Because the reason dh has these issues (namely his mother) are now affecting the op?? jeez show some empathy.

unavailable · 04/05/2009 18:17

I was trying to be constructive; sometimes just agreeing isnt particularly helpful.

nickschick · 04/05/2009 18:19

Sorry I just so understand what she is saying ......

Springfleurs · 04/05/2009 18:22

Keep out of it. Full stop. Its the only way to deal with interfering MIL. She sent the text to you dh, let him deal with it.

I learned my lesson long ago. I didn't used to go round when I was still with ex. Just used to let him take the dc. Wouldn't even gossip with him when he was slagging her off. Just keep out of their relationship. Stick up for yourself if she gives you any crap and then go your own way.

BitOfFun · 04/05/2009 18:30

I do get unavailable's point actually...Dee, I think you are getting way too emotionally involved in wanting your MIL's approval, maybe because she has been in your life from such a young age? And needing him to take your side, again, it's not going to do you any good really...is there any way you can take a step back from this woman and just have a lot less to do with her? DH can keep the peace if he wants, but just don't give her the headspace to bother you, see less of her and take the emotional heat out of the situation. It's not great for either of you and DH for you to let her upset you so much- I bet he thinks he could do without the aggro too!

I don't mean this unkindly- but you sound far too emotionally invested in someone that frankly you could probably get away with seeing every six weeks or so. Arm's length is deffo best for MILs you don't like...

2rebecca · 04/05/2009 20:51

I would never answer texts or emails sent to my husband. That's just being controlling and interfering, and is also emasculating for the bloke. Let him deal with his own mother and mind your own business.
I would be highly pissed off if my husband interfered in texts and emails sent to me.

quinne · 04/05/2009 21:57

i agree with 2rebecca. the op was interfering in her DHs relationship with his mother. Its not like the MIL was talking about or to the OP.

prettyfly1 · 04/05/2009 22:15

Perhaps op you are being a little oversensitive - I suspect she just meant about trying to help him get better but put it very tactlessly which mothers are apt to do and she got a bollocking for it. TBH if my partner text my mum to give her a bollocking for something fairly innocous then I would be livid with him. Your poor dh has spent all day stuck between two women, one of whom got herself massively emotional - not overly surprised he is anxious. You came across a little childishly to me tbh b ut then so did your mother in law. Sounds like your dh could do with a break from both of you.

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