Does he do too much?

[OhIDunno]

Brief background:
Until dd was one dh did almost nothing either around the house or with her. He would sometimes take her for a walk or to the park (he did this I think 5 or 6 times), he changed maybe 3 nappies in that year and he ironed his work clothes-that was all.

Then we found out I was expecting ds so I made him learn how to fold/unfold the pushchar, strap her into her carseat, got him to change more nappies, do some washing up, hoover occasionally....

He now:
Leaves for work at around 8.45/9am and returns at 6.30pm.

He then baths the children and gets them ready for bed.

We usually put one each to bed.

After dinner he will usually wash up (75% of the time)

He puts the bins out and mows the lawn

He does most of the ironing (we don't iron everything, just trousers/skirts/outer tops)

DS wakes at 5am so I bring him in bed with us and feed him, he'll then climb all over me until 6.30/7am when dh will get up with him and give him his breakfast. I stay in bed and try to get a few minutes sleep until dd wakes (usually 7.30/7.45am). DH also dresses ds most days.

If either child wakes in the night I deal with them.

DH is starting to act hard done by (particularly regarding getting up with ds in the mornings and washing up after dinner) so I am now feeling guilty and as if I expect him to do too much. What do you think?

OhIDunno - he is doing his fair share but no more than that. I did similar if not more with both DSs.

The only thing I would perhaps add is that if you have a child and DH in bed from 5 a.m - then DH is probably not getting a full nights sleep which after several months and going to work on top he probably is feeling tired out.

If you could keep DS out of bed so DH gets a proper nights sleep, or DH goes to bed really early so he can get more sleep before DS wakes up, would that would make things better?

I don't think he is doing too much. More than some maybe but sounds like an equal share to me. I often worry that my DH takes an unfair share of the work (we both work and I leave at 0715 and get back around 1900 but he gets the baby up and feeds/ dresses him, bathes him and then I put him down whilst DH cooks supper which he then cleans up). I don't think my situation is an equal share and keep worrying that I need to find time to do more because I don't want DH to think I take him for granted (should say that I am pregnant at the moment with first trimester knackeredness and tend to go to bed at 2000 hence why he does the dishes).

It sounds fairly equal, but I agree with ABetaDad about the sleep thing.

Yes, if you're at home with young children you're not exactly having time off BUT the big difference with going out to work is that you HAVE to meet other people's standards/deadlines/expectations and it really is tough if you've had a poor night's sleep/kids climbing over you etc.
At the end of the day, if you are home with kids, you may be run ragged (and I know how that feels - I was on a maternity leave with a new born and 2 toddlers) but ultimately, it doesn't matter if you look a mess and the kids aren't dressed by 10 o'clock, or if your brain is a bit of a fug. You set your own agenda and don't have to meet other people's targets! So I would re-think the sleep thing, because it sounds like your DH is trying to tell you that he's knackered and not able to function as well as he needs at work. I think taking turns to lie in at the weekend would be fairer too. You mention your DH goes back to bed later, but IMO that's still not the same as being able to be the one getting a lie in.

Oh I dunno - I think it is impossible to say whether he is doing enough/too much/not enough unless we know how much you are doing too. For example, if you hoover every floor, dust everything and clean every window and cook every tea every day, then we might say he is not doing enough. If however you do no housework all week and only dust/clean etc once a week, and only cook of an evening, then one might say that's he's doing more than enough. It is all relative.

I think you both need to sit down and work out what chores need doing, how frequently you think they need doing, what % of chores you think you should be doing each and then devise a list that you are both happy with. Hubby and I did that, and it works for us.

P.S. He does more than my hubby, and I work 3 days a week +, have a 5 and a 2 year old... but we are quite slovenly and do as few chores as possible.