He does not want another child and I do. Feeling both angry and hopeless. what can I do?

[supadoula]

We have 2 beautiful, healthy DCs and while I know I am lucky to have them, I am longing for another child.
All of my friends seem to keep popping babies and DH denying me another child makes me feel very rejected, sad and angry.
It is affecting my whole family now and we are going through couple counselling.
I just feel stuck. Can't get this baby need out of my head and at the same time can't part from DH because of the children.
ANybody in a similar situation or managed to get out of it?
Any advice much appreciated! THANKS

Hi - in a similar situation to you - I also have two dds and would love a third, but DH not having any of it. I don't have easy pregnancies and am at the latter end of my thirties. DH gets very anxious before and during my pregnancies and between the two girls we suffered a miscarriage and i think that this has had a lot of bearing on it.

After much talking we have agreed that two is enough. For the reasons above and for the fact that money-wise it would be tight. I do understand were he is coming from and he has been for an appointment for a vasectomy with my blessing. Sad as I am that I won't get to have another, I know that it is the right decision and we can now get on with bring our girls up and not putting out lives on hold again.

Has he given any reason to not want a third? Is it because he worries or is there another reason. I don't think that men understand our need for having children and so maybe you need to get it out of him just why he feels this way.

Not sure if this is any use, but hope you manage to discuss and decide.

I have exactly the reverse problem. Dp desperate for a child, whilst im not. I have a 10yr old from a previous relationship, and have had 2 miscarriages in the last 18 months. It is causing huge tension between the 2 of us, will keep watching this thread as I'd love to find a workable solution.

You can always stop the pills and tell him contraception is his job from now on. If he slips, well, he only has himself to blame. And it shouldn't be too hard to ply him with liquor and make him forget the condom when you are ovulating

More seriously, though, before having another child, you should answer these questions:

• is 'friends popping babies' a good enough reasons to have a third? (and I do know how broody that makes you feel)
• is it a good idea to have another child with a man you are staying with "because of the children"?

How much do you love your dh? Because to even think about leaving a real person to have an imaginary baby seems out of kilter to me.

Are you really only staying with him because of the current children ?

I agree with lfc. Considering leaving a man with whom you have already been lucky to have children, to have an imaginary baby with an as yet non-existent new partner is not rational.

If you are only staying with your dh for the sake of your children anyway, then perhaps you need to be questioning whether you should be having another baby with him at all.

But if having another baby is your only motivation for leaving, then tbh you are being selfish and are not considering the wellbeing of your already existing children.

denying is such a strong word ...

what are his reasons?

This is not an issue you can ever compromise on so you have to work through it

you sound fixated - can you pinpoint a time when it started? Did something trigger it?

Thank you for all your answer. Sorry, my computer did not work for a while.
Yes, I am obsessed with having another child. I love being pregnant and breastfeeding and I jsut don't feel complete. I have a lot more love to give and my children will be at school full time soon.
I had a miscarriage last year (on mother's day...) and he later admitted he felt relieved about it.
I just don't know where to go next... I feel so stuck...