Thinking to much! ....need to talk

[thinking2much]

Hi all,

I am left to chat on here as at this second in time I feel tearful and introvert.

I am a very bubbly and chatty person and get on with everyone. I am a mother of 3 children including a step son of 15. I have been with my current partner for 11 years (although we had a 3 year break in the middle) and I feel my relationship with my family is the best and I feel proud.

The thing that is getting me down is that I have only 1 friend. I did have lots of friends (all from the same group that I met a few years back) but now I have chosen to not be part of hteir lives as I feel vidicated by them all the time and as though my friendship was never accepted. I also felt like they rated me as lower then them and I was 2nd rate. They are all from the music business and have this ora about them that says they are better.

After several years of feeling sidelined all the time I felt it got me down to much. No matter what friend I made from being with that group my friendship with them was never strong enough for them to take my side or be a good friend to me.

I am nearly 30 and feel that making new friends (good freinds, normal freinds with normal lives) is so hard, like I am a failure of some sorts.

Anytime I made new friends not from that group I was questioned all the time, like where are they from how did you meet them. Dont forget about your real friends kind of jibes. They would often slag them off and make me feel like I wasn't allowed to have other friends or I couldn't possibly have my own.

I am now left crying at my pc! It is not because I miss them, far from it.....in the end I hated them for what they made me feel and how they treated me. However now I just dont know how to make friends at all!

I worked ofr so many years of my life and no am a home mum and my husband is the full time worker. I love my children and my family and as said before not unhappy about that at all. I dont suffer from post natel depression I dont get stressed around my children at all. I just want to be around some female friends that are nice.

There is so much more to this story but to much to convey in a post on this site.

Also, it is hard for me to make new mum freinds in this area as one of the girls is a mum in this area and she gets everywhere and she is such a big mouth and always spreads gossip, so no doubt she has told them about me.

I am lost.

xx

Seems I cant even talk to people on here only 1 helpful answer after 1 hour -

I feel even more deflated - cant even talk to people on the net! lol

I'm here and willing to talk to you!! I think during the day there isn't so many mners about to answer things quickly.

Why do you say that the other mum would have been spreading gossip about you? You sound like you've done nothing to gossip about?

Hi

Have you thought of joining a gym or doing a class in something? This can be a good way to meet people. It can be really hard, all of my friends from Uni have moved away so it would be just ds and I if I allowed it, it can be really tough and nerve wracking, everyone feels this aswell so you are not alone. Neighbours can often be in the same position aswell. The thing is though, these people are not going to come to you, you have to help yourself here. Join a dance class, it's a great way to meet people and get out of the house. It seems you are sick of being a wife and a mother, you need to take some time to be you aswell. Only you can do this though. Life doesn't come to us, we have to get out there and grab it, kicking and screaming and shout 'I'm here!'
Anyone who wants to monopolise your time isn't a friend, there are some really nice people out there. Friends should be happy that you wish to expand your circle.

So you are a nice person
Its those ex- friends loss not yours
And you will meet other mums

Most of us in the playground don`t listen to gossip and feel we are more than capable of making our own mind up on another

Give yourself a break sometimes it just takes time

Be yourself

Benfmsmum -

I dont have anything for her to gossip about but she is one of these girls that says "..you know so an so she done this, she goes to that, etc etc.

So things that may not be true, she just likes to gossip and over exagerate things.

One time when we were walking down the street she said she will not go in a household esentials shop because other mums may see her and think she cant afford to go in to joh lewis etc, of course I laughed this off but she is someone that has to have the conversation of the moment and she will baloon anything up if push comes to shove thats all.

I have thought about joining things etc but again because I am so chatty and can get on with anyone, everyone seems to be scared off or heaven forbid I come across as desperate! lol OMG I sound so sorry for myself. I really am not and not about to go in to a awful full on depression I just needed to vent and have a few words to think aout thats all.

Thanks guys

I wouldn't worryd about her and whatever gossip she decides to make up!! As has beens said before, people will make up their own minds about others.

Go out there and make new friends by chatting or at a new class etc and shsow the group that you don't need their approval or are beholden to them only.

People can only upset you if you let them. You are a good person and will make good friends.

I don't think I've said anything different to the others on this thread as they are all right!!

Life is what you make it - make yours great!!

Sorry about the typo's, I've got a new computer and it is taking some time to get used to!!!

You can/will meet other people.

I have had friends who turned out a bit selfish, or domineering or catty...generally through jealousy as one "friend" hated it when I got a big promotion and started with the "you think you're so big" and all that.

Sometimes you grow out of people and move on.

I had friends who never contacted me again after I had a baby...so they were not really friends and no loss.

Don't waste emotional energy on them.