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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling a bit down about dealing with Mother's ongoing illness

2 replies

Dorothyredboots · 30/04/2009 10:38

I am 53,mother is 79. In 2007 she developed heart probs (in addition to high blood pressure, thyroid, cholesterol, overweight etc) and we spent the year back and forth to hospital. I took 9 days (almost half my annual allowance) hols to look after her/accompany her to appoimtments etc. She had a heart bypass and a valve replaced but has continued to be more or less housebound since then (goes in a taxi about once a week to supermarket and another taxi home) and her health has not really improved much. In the last 9 months she has collapsed 3 times, once we ended up in A & E on one occasion. She has been back to the GP who thinks she needs a pacemaker. She's now frightened to go out on her own so I'm back to taking her to the supermarket every week. I visit every week and ring too. I can see another round of hospital visits on the way and it makes my heart sink. I'm an only child so no sibling support. Mum is stubborn to say the least. She's always saying how brilliant everyone else's children are which makes me feel a heel, but when i try to help she gets all huffy and 'independant'. There is no way he will consider moving from her too big, creaky house and obviously does not appreciate the worry her conditions cause others (well, me really!). Am I just being selfish?? How do i deal with this with a glad heart?

OP posts:
lilacclaire · 30/04/2009 11:26

Your not being selfish, you sound like my poor mum and her domineering mother who was ill.

How does your mum cope on her own day to day?
Does she have friends that would go to the hospital appointments with her instead of you?

lilacclaire · 30/04/2009 11:29

Oh and be aware that your mum may lie to you about how well she copes!

You could go through the gp for a refferal to social services for some support during the day for her?

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