Hi Twinkerbell
I am in a similar situation to you wrt cross dressing.
My Dh told me he was a cross dresser as I was pg with DC1 after a few years married. I was horrified. I thought there was something wrong with him, he wasn't right, was not a proper man iyswim.
We tried to deal with it and hobbled along in our own way for a number of years. I became a very suspicious person and constantly questioned where he was/what he was doing, It consumed me.
We would every so often have a blow up and a massive argument, cross dressing often being the root of the argument. Often we would make an agreement re time/opportunity for him to cross dress. I have absolutely no interest in what he does or seeing what he does.
Very often he would lie to me. He would try to spare my feelings but without realising he often made it worse.
Things did eventually come to a head when I found an internet history of sites visited. I threatened to throw him out (harsh, I know now looking back) unless he dealt with our marital problems by way of counselling.
He eventually (!) went to the GP and told him. I think for Dh it was a bit of a relief to tell someone tbh. The GP immediately referred us for psychosexual (sp?) counselling at a local hospital.
This was last year. We have been going for fortnightly CBT sessions since then and all I can say is how much better things have been.
He has a new respect for me and my feelings as I have for him. We communicate much better, make time for each other, and actually talk. For a long time we had not actually talked properly to each other.
There is now an agreement between us in place, he has his personal time, I get to go shopping! He now rings me to talk if he is feeling frustrated and wants to c/d. Especially if the moment is not appropriate (i.e. at work)
Our marriage now works. As long as he keeps it away from the DC's then I am happy for him to have his time. I don't want to see or deal with it, I don't want to see evidence of it. He understands that. And now I understand his needs.
He is no less a man, in actual fact he is probably more of a man since the start of the therapy. Our sex life has improved along with the other stuff.
I can't waffle on any more, you deserve a medal if you managed to read this!
I am going to stay on this nickname for a while, name changed to protect the innocent so if you have CAT and want to get in touch and talk, then do so.