I have just over 9 weeks to go til 4th baby is born.
I separated from DP not long after finding out I was pg. We tried again for a while when I was about 4 months pregnant but it wasn't right and I've since moved out into my own place with DC.
Had a dreadful period around the time of my moving and there wasn't even a friendship there for a while.
The background is, exdp was separated when we met, and 18 months plus later he is still not divorced and won't be til end of May when final divorce hearing finally goes ahead. In all the time we have been together exdp has swung between charming and being a total wanker. A lot of it involved this grown man slagging me off behind my back and also beginning a v. short lived fling with a v. young girl during one of our 'off' phases.
I do realise that to have had such an on/off relationship over the course of less than two years does not bode well. However, I am pregnant and we have to sort things one way or another.
To be quite honest, he has been appalling - and I now see this clearly and rationally enough now that we have become more distant since my moving out. The only thing stopping me writing him off (apart from our unborn child) is the fact that in all the time we have been together his divorce has created HUGE strain. The financial implications have been and stand to be massive. This is not a man who deals with loss of financial standing well.
There has certainly been a correllation between divorce stress and our problems.
Anyway, as things stand we are now both single but see each other about twice a week. Still have sex, but not always - more often than not we will do something with each of our children like lunch or a walk or something.
My Exdp vehemently opposed the idea of having a baby. He is mid 40s and did not want any more children - was looking forward to less stress and possibly winding down business for a chilled pre-retirement phase. He could have afforded to do all this had he not divorced and certainly had he not met me and ended up helping me become pregnant! What's done is done however and I chose to have the baby and accept my decision. He has had to deal with my decision.
My issue is this:
ExDp has no commitment to me or the baby and yet he is still very much in my life despite saying he would walk away completely in the beginning. He says he still feels very mixed up about things but tells me to relax and enjoy how we are now. Admittedly, how we are now is relaxed and we are getting on better than we have done for some time. I just feel anxious that he could still just never make any more of a commitment to me and/or his child.
There are other threads on this, by me where mnetters have posted on the likelihood of him walking in and out of my life to suit him.
It's true that if I pressure him to define what it is exactly we are doing then he doesn't want to know, and equally the more distant I am the more he wants to be around me.
He makes a point sometimes of stating our friends not a couple' status and yet does not seem to see an end to this.
I feel very vulnerable and the worst imagineable would be for him to disappear completely soon after the baby is born when I am most fragile.
Any thoughts?
Dadnetters' advice would be good.
This is both painful and serious because it involves our parental roles too.