Anyone with a good gaydar?

[Someone2talk2]

I've only very recently 'come out' to myself (nobody else). I've never had a relationship with a woman, but I've been attracted to a few.

A woman I met recently really stands out to me. I don't know why. I like her but obviously I've never gone further than "Liking" someone from a distance.

I think she might be gay, but that might just be wishful thinking. She has begun asking me questions about my children etc ... perhaps just being friendly? But she doesn't come across very feminine iyswim?

I don't know, am I barking up the wrong tree? how do you tell??

sorry that sounds like I'm saying gay women are not feminine, I don't mean it like that. I'm just trying to explain why she 'stands out' to me.

Have to go now, will be back later. Hope someone can help x

You may well be barking up the wrong tree. I ask people about their children all the time. Get to know her and become friends if you like her. If she turns out not to be gay you will still have made a new friend.

I think you might be projecting. My gaydar is way off since having kids - loads of mothers seems to look 'not very feminine' largely due to not having the energy to bother too much with appearance!
Can you meet some real life bisexuals or lesbians another way? or online at least?

She doesn't have children. And she's a kickboxer lol

I've joined a few dating sites but I'm scared someone will come across my name and realise ... someone I know. I'm not ready to come out properly yet and I feel trapped, like I know nothing will ever materialise because I hide my true self away so much.

Why would someone you know be on a gay dating website unless they are gay themselves - in which case it won't matter if they see you surely?

When you say you are not ready to come out - do you mean you are to ready for anyone else to know or you just can't contemplate making some sort of announcement?

It isn't really possible to keep such a big part of your life a secret if you are going to do anything more than wonder about other women from afar. There is always a chance that people you know will find out. But so what? If it gets out it saves you the bother of having to tell people! That sounds trite but if anyone has a problem with you being gay that's their problem - not yours.life's too short!

experience tells me you are the last to know,and when you do eventualy come out everyone will just shrug and say "thought you was"

I've been out for 26 years, and my gaydar has yet to kick into life. Nobody ever spots me, either!

I do sympathise with where you are, though. It's really tough coming out, and it feels much easier if you can come out within a relationship, but it's hard to get into a relationship until you're out...

You could just ask her about her relationship situation. That's easy to do if you're not out yourself - women are always noseying into each other's personal stuff!

Or you could try getting into the shallow end of the lesbian pool, perhaps by joining a lesbian social group or something a bit less overt than a dating site?

Good luck, Someone - the Lesbian Avengers used to have that slogan, "We recruit" but in my experience lesbiana is a damn difficult club to join. I'm always here to talk!

I think sometimes you just know but you cant put your finger on it. There is just something.

I have not long been out after kidding myself for a long time. It feels great.

Have you been on gaydargirls.com? Is a good site.

I'm definetely bi curious/sexual, and I also think I can spot gay women, but it's so difficult to be sure! I don't think a lesbian would spot me either, with 2 kids in tow! The only time I feel sure is when I see lesbian couples, even if they not being affectionate, I can the difference between that and 2 mates. I agree with asking her about her situation. Also, good luck with it all. I hope you find a gorgeous woman to settle with.