Jesus my Husband makes me feel like I am dealing with a lively toddler who can't control his mouth or emotions and I am sick of it

[CrushWithEyeliner]

I am so fed up with DH.

He has no social skills whatsoever and I am so sick of being his guardian and having to monitor what comes out of his mouth in company.

He says such odd things when for eg our neighbours get chatting with him. He may start swearing, being laddish or tells them personal things about my business that they really don't need (or want) to know. He could also be described as sharp, witty and funny and, well a bit eccentric I suppose and I don't know how on earth he is so successful with clients at work who seem to love his passion and energy.

I put this aside when we got together but is is fucking annoying me now and I am sick of telling him off or pulling a face at him to tell him to stop talking about rubbish. My friends husbands don't feel the need to talk continuously about this garbage so why does he.

I know I saound v harsh but the last straw came when yesterday my neighbour came to ME and knew something about my private business with DDs nursery and I was gobsmaked. When I came home I asked him if he had said something to her and he said "Oh yes, sorry". It just makes me want to leave him it really does .

What the fuck is wrong with him?

I have done the test. Where do I find out what the results mean please?

My DH has many of the traits of Aspergers, they were more obvious when he was younger.

He had sensory issues and only slept covered by one of those foil blankets for years, would only wear certain clothes, couldn't play with other children was in fact so scared of other children (noise, touching/contact) that his mother staterd her own nursery school just in her their home to help him cope with children in a 'safe environment.

His parents found him very difficult to deal with and eventually packed him off to boarding school at 7.

He is fairly, erm, odd still but more to do with controlling rituals - he has to get dressed in the same order everyday or it really disturbs him, he cannot read his newspaper until the train is moving even if it has been delayed and waits at station for 30 mins, he is insensitive and impractical but highly intelligent (3rd generation Oxbridge).

He also has 'interests' which he feels very comitted to. He runs his own business with offices on several continents but is nearly 50 and cannot work the washing machine or work out where to refill his windscreen washers.

I have every sympathy for you, it is highly frustrating and libido sapping to feel you are a parent not a partner.

My Dh makes me want to scream sometimes. At the weekend I had to take DD out to get shoes, we had to visit 2 different towns 10 miles from each other to get what we needed, we got back at 11.45. During my journey my windscreen had been badly cracked by a flying stone, I finished dealing with that at 12.30 and came down to hang out the laundry (which had probably finished 20 mins after we left first thing) and DS was grizzling and floppy. I asked if DS - who has severe SN including a metabolic condition which can cause him to get ketosis (and eventual unconsciousness) if he doesn't eat carbs every 2 hours - had had a snack while we were out. "No, you didn't tell me to give him one." Me "it's 12.30!" Him "Shall I give him one now?" Me "No, it's lunch time have you not even made the kids a sandwhich? Dear god am I the only one capeable of making lunch?" (due to DS's condition we have lunch at 12 usually).

DD (aged 9) made a sandwhich for her and DS. I fumed and wanted to lay in a darkened room.

The wired one?

It explains at the bottom and top

". In the first major trial using the test, the average score in the control group was 16.4. Eighty percent of those diagnosed with autism or a related disorder scored 32 or higher. The test is not a means for making a diagnosis, however, and many who score above 32 and even meet the diagnostic criteria for mild autism or Asperger's report no difficulty functioning in their everyday lives. "

I've often thought that I may be slightly autistic. I scored 32, but plus or minus you might say, as it's hard to answer some of them

i have just donw this test answering what i believe my dad would answer and the score was 38 and is very interesting.
my dad is socailly innept, never wats to mix with anyone, is very clever and brilliant with numbers, tactless, thoughtless, egotistical. very embarassing. totally impractical. obsessive over hobbys.
very revealing.

I find I don't much like talking to new people, and at work it usually takes about a year for me to get friendly with my colleagues.

Also I'm very analytical, good at manipulating long numbers, and have made lots of money out of these traits.

But I don't do any of the odd routines, planning what we're doing, or that sort of thing.

I think DS has inherited some of it, he's 6 and is obsessed with numbers (I was when I was his age), asking at dinner 'what's 1.5 X 80' and similar. He's quite outgoing and talkative but his social interactions are somewhat inappropriate quite often so he doesn't have friends really (mostly he plays with girls who are probably a bit more tolerant).

I guess you can overcome some of it. I did make an effort to go to nightclubs with DW, which I don't really enjoy, but felt I should go to be a bit more 'normal'.

I'm not sure about them, but perhaps buying your husband one of those books on 'NLP' would be in order? Something to put in print what other people feel when you say things, and how to get them to respond positively to you?

By the way, it certainly is a 'man' thing'.

"People with autism are much more likely to be male. Among those with classic autism, which includes a developmental delay in language and a risk of learning difficulties, males outnumber females by four to one.

And among those with Asperger Syndrome, males outnumber females by nine to one. "

I think Aspergers is the more common thing you'd expect to see in a successful adult.

will get back to this thread as soon as I can thank you all x

I think DH has some very very mild Asperger's traits also, and ds1 is under assessment for lang disorder/HFA at the moment. DH is a successful finance director, and a great people manager for the reasons Abetadad described.

Both the IL's are very tactless and come out with howlers on regular occasions so I often wonder if there are some traits there too - was recounting them at playgroup this morning for amusement of others - "I wouldn't necessarily have chosen you as a daughter in law" and "you don't want to dress your dd in trousers, it might turn her into a lesbian" spring to mind. It makes me cringe..

Sorry, reduced...

My was at my results.

Not as much of 'just a man thing' as all that, apparently...

hmm not sure that i like the thought of being described as "shit" at socialising particularly as im ASD and it is classed as a disability, many people with AS or an ASD work very hard at trying to overcome socialising difficulties.

a lot of what you have said about your DH would make me think of AS, he perhaps doesnt realise he is coming across in this way,i know when i was younger i was forever getting in trouble for opening my mouth and i couldnt understand what id done or said that was wrong.

i have learned over the years what is and what isnt acceptable, my parents would tell me what not to say ie please dont mention anything about xx and x and i would feel comfortable with that,perhaps thats a start with your DH?

and no its definately not a just a man thing,unfortunately a lot of girls go undiagnosed in this country (myself being one of them) due to girls being able to mask their difficulties and make it look like we are neurotypical when in a lot of cases we learn by imitation.