Advice please for my dear friend? :-(

[advicesomeone]

Hi, have namechanged for this and if you're reading this you'll understand why.

I am hoping someone can give me advice Was you with one of my friends last night who told me he is H I V + (sorry for the spaces, I am trying to make this unsearchable). My reaction was that I cried unstoppably and hugged him for ages. We'd both had a drink (or ten ) and I asked him some questions and we talked about it. He got extremely upset too and I am so worried my reaction has made him feel worse. If I had been sober I would have been able to control myself a bit better.

In the cold light of sobriety I really and honestly don't know how I can help him? What do I say? I am terrified for him and completely devastated but also am aware that my feelings are nothing compared to what he must be going thru. I have text hm a couple of times today just to let him know I am there for him and I will call him in the coming days He is a bit of a loner and sees himself as a burden and I know he might try to push me away and pretend that he is completely fine but I can't stand the thought of him going through this on his own

I don't know what I am asking here, I think I just wonder if anyone has experience of this and any advice on how I can best support my dear friend?

'you' is meant to be 'out with one of my friends last night'.

What a shock for you. Is he recently diagnosed?

Ask him how you can support him? He may want to talk, he may not. Be open with him and honest. He obviously trusts you very much.

Horrible disease but has wonderful treatments these days that enable long and happy lives. Hope this is true for him.

He was diagnosed 18 months ago, said he feels really unable to cope (hence keeping it secret for so long) and said he is drinking lots at the weekends. When I next speak to him, he will probably feel embarrassed and play it down, he is just that type of person.

I am really glad that he told me and just feel that he an amazing person and doesn't deserve this

Oh advice what an awful shock. I think the only thing you can do is be there and let him come to you - try not to be too "in his face about it". I dont mean that unkindly but this has obviously upset you very much and as someone who prefers to deal with things alone sometimes it can become hard to deal with. The good news is that he came to you. He obviously does want support and trusts you enough to tell you so just let him take it from there. FWIW you sound like a lovely friend and I hope he starts to feel more positively soon.

It's a big compliment to you that he wanted to, and was able to, tell you especially since he is finding it hard to cope. It means he thinks you can cope with it and he trusts you to be able to deal with the knowledge and be there for him.

One way you might be able to help him is to educate yourself about it and what it means to be living with it these days. It isn't the death sentence it once was, we all know that but you wouldn't know much more unless you have a reason to .

Maybe he needed the drinks on board to be able to tell you (who could blame him) but it was predictabe that you would the be more emotional than you would have been if you were sober so you can't feel guilty for that.

If I were you I would simply tell him that you are there for him and leave it to him to decide how it is handled between you for now.

Thanks for the advice ladies. I have spent a bit of time researching this and I guess a lot of my knowledge was from the 80s so I am realising the advances that have been made in terms of medicine.

And yes, I will leave it up to him to decide if and when he wants to talk about it. Besides the obvious health implications, the stigma attached to this disease seems to be one of the worst things about it and I will let him know that this in no way affects our friendship, in fact it can make it stronger. His mental health is every bit as important as his physical health and the best thing I can do is be there as and when he needs me.