Feel like I'm spoiling it for everyone - am I being selfish?

[DotNoodle]

My partner has asked me to move in with him. I, however like living on my own. I don't want to give up my council house as there is no way I'd ever get another one and if we ever broke up, I'd be homeless and shoved in to some smelly 2 bed flat somewhere highly undesirable.

However, he REALLY wants me to move in and keeps going on about how great it would be. His daughter is very excited at the concept (I suspect he's brainwashed her) and has already planned out how she will decorate the small room (as my kids would need the big room). My DS1 is nagging me to go for it too...simply because he knows full well that DP's catchment area secondary school is the one that he REALLY wants to go to (and it is a great school.)

I'm basically being the party pooper saying "No".

I have doubts about the relationship for a start, not strong ones, just little 'niggles' at the back of my mind. I know I would hate living in a small house with a bloke and 3 kids. I love my own space too much and 3rdly ... I'm terrified of ending up homeless if it all goes tits up.

My friends are saying I'm nuts. "The area you live in, anyone would be desperate to move away!" and yes I am ... but not like this.

You don't move in with someone just to get a good school and into a nice area, do you? part of me thinks "yes, you do ... for the kids" but am I being selfish in not wanting to move in with him when everyone else is so desperate for it to happen? Even if, staying where I am means the kids go to a very rough secondary school?

well, either you want a relationship with this bloke or you don't.

It's not selfish to not want to live with him, but tbh if you really don't want to live with him and have a proper relationship with him then maybe you owe it to him to end the relationship and let him move on and find someone who does want to be with him.

Don't do it. You obviously have pretty serious doubts about the relationship. Sounds like it would be a disaster if you moved in with him.

Do you only have the one secondary school in catchment?

Hey Dot!

Don't give up your freedom if you don't feel ready.

How long have you been an item? Do you feel as though it's too soon, perhaps?

I'd suggest having more stuff there, staying a bit more and seeing how it goes, could you stay Friday, Saturday home for school on Sunday night?

The area you live in may not be great, but it is yours and i'd be reluctant to let go of a safety net in your position, you have the children to think of too.

Could you.. put your name down for a new house nearer him as a plan b?

Sorry don't know if that'll be any help.

We have 2 but they're both as bad to be honest. One of them DS said he doesn't mind going to so it's not the end of the world ... and if things turn sour, I can always move him to a different school after the first year.

I don't want to make the mistakes my mum made ... meet a bloke, move in and get married immediately ... end up forever unhappy

No, stay put. Happy Mum more important. All very well going to a good school but if you come home to tensionville, not good.
Give it another year.
If you feel that strongly about the area you live in, look for a council house swap for a bit of an improvement?

Sorry, crossed post.

Houses are very scarce around here SimpleAs so I have to wait until I'm working full time to move out (if I do it alone). But that is something I'm currently working towards anyway.

We have tried staying over and the kids argue constantly, DP just sits watching TV for hours and I feel kinda claustrophobic! not great lol

We've not been together that long either, just a few months.

Your last post doesn't change my mind.
STAY PUT.

Good lord, sounds as if you probably shouldn't even be going out with this bloke, let alone moving in with him!

Stay put for goodness' sake, no good would come of it.

I agree with Meg - it sounds as if you are not that keen on him.

Woah, you've only been in a relationship for a few months? Stay put, make your feelings known, and give it more time. My personal view is that I'm not moving in with anyone unless we've been in a relationship for at least a year.

Don't move in. I had a HA house, wasn't happy there so moved into a private rented house with P, under pressure. I hate it. He wants his mates round, I want my space. He wakes me up at night thundering through the house like an elephant. I can't cope, seriously. It's the biggest mistake I ever made.

DON'T DO IT
YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH AT ALL.
I'm in a council house, its not Buckingham Palace and its not in the nicest neighbourhood in the world but its mine. For the first time in my life I have security and freedom and I am totally independent.
If you feel claustrophobic after a weekend, that is enough proof that it is a bad idea!

Don't do it. It's a dreadful mistake to move in when you are feeling under pressure and having doubts. Ask yourself if he wants you to move in because he wansts his housework and cooking done as well as regular sex....

I dont think you should either.

In time when you are able to work maybe you could buy your home and either all live their or rent it out.

Unless you are 99% sure you want to be with your p dont let go of what you have.

Don't do it. A few months in is far too early for him to be putting pressure on you to move. Anything could happen in the next few months.

Sit tight and take care of yourself and your kids - everybody else comes second.

Definitely dont do it. Not if he's pestering you after a relationship of a few months and getting the kids involved sound a bit like emotional blackmail/ manipulative. Why is he so keen to move things so fast?