trivial moaning/begging for encouragement about dating

[DickWhittingtonsCat]

I am sick of this whole dating thing. I have had lots of interesting dates and taken up various interesting activities through which I have ended up making good female friends and going on dates with numerous men, but I am so bored of it never being the last date. I met someone very attractive and after we had gone out 3 times as friends he had to go and work abroad for 6 mths. Then we were emailing once or twice a week for 2 months and I liked him more and more. Even my best friend (who never says this about anyone) said, "He sounds perfect for you." But now we have had a disagreement by email about the Pope and he has not replied to my last message 2 weeks ago. There was another interesting man who came to a party I had and then wanted to meet again, but could not make the day. He sent me 3 emails and 3 texts in one day saying how sorry he was and wanting to meet another time. Then he sent me a big list of all his work engagements over the next few weeks, and also he was being his brother's best man, and said he apologised profusely but would contact me after 17 April. No contact. And there is a sweet boy several years younger than me with whom I flirt very discreetly but now I have been given a responsibility at work which makes it totally inappropriate for me to flirt with someone in his role. Meanwhile, my friend aged 36 has resolved that if she's not in love by her next birthday she's having a baby alone by internet donation. In aid of preventing this, I have volunteered to go out with her everywhere and do everything to increase prospects of her falling in love. So, I find myself going speed dating tomorrow with my friend and two of her female friends whom I haven't met. My friend also tells me that I'm going to get on v well with them, and one of them is interested in learning to rock climb with me. So, that's all good, except for the dating part of it, which is depressing me. All the guy's profiles on the speed dating site are a series of bland professional men who all say that they are laid back and easy going and they can't live without various electronic gadgets and go out drinking very often. They don't seem to have any other positive character attributes or any interests apart from shopping for fancy material objects. All this leads me to remember why the one who has stopped emailing me was so interesting . I need to get into a positive mood about tomorrow because it is supposed to be fun and you never know. Hence shameless begging for encouragement ?

Oh, listmaker, i completely agree about men with kids! That's the thing though - sooooo many of the internet dating guys of 35+ say they're not interested in meeting women with children (would cramp their style, I guess). I just wonder who exactly they think they are going to meet

This is really interesting, you two! One of the things that I really liked about the no-longer-emailing-me guys was that they both came to a daytime party at my flat with various children including ds, and after seeing how I live, they continued to email me and (in the case of the one who's abroad) to meet me. Both are my age childless professionals. During the party, ds came up to me, gave me a big hug, saying, "I love you, you are my sweet little darling Mummy!" and I cuddled back saying, "I love you, darling!" and I could see the one who's abroad watching us, intrigued. He later said during a long conversation, "I've never thought about having children," which seemed surreal to me, from a man his age. My friend who is a scriptwriter said that really means he is thinking about it now!!! I don't think that men who don't like children suddenly become paternal on childbirth (speaking from bitter experience!). Surely paternal men can appreciate children even if they are childless now? Isn't it ironic that what in so many countries would be regarded as very attractive (being a fertile good mother) somehow becomes a handicap with British men (actually, neither of these two was a WASP).

beautiful blonde leggy 25 year olds, must be tolerant, independent but also readily available. Must also be good at propping up fragile male egos etc. As if someone like that would want to go out with a a middle aged man (unless he had loads of money).

So many guys seem to be in an everlasting adolescence. They just don't want to grow up. I would hate it if my ds was like that as an adult. I think a lot of them will turn into sad lonely old men. There are quite a few like this in my office in fact. One guy said to me that he was thinking it would be nice to have kids one day and I laughed, given that he is nearly 50!! Does he really not realise that he has probably left it too late and even if he does have kids he is going to be 70!! before they are grown up. I agree that this seems to be more of a problem in the UK - other cultures value and support family life more I think

Exactly. I got so sick of reading these profiles and thinking 'Oh, you sound interesting' and then scrolling down to the bottom to see that they'd said 'No kids'. And these were men in thier late 30s/early 40s... Not that I think for a moment that every man should be after a ready-made family (and in fact that's not what I want either, for myself or for ds) but the proportion of men like this seems unusually high. It's a bit sad really. But I guess for some it's the idea of 'taking someone on' with kids, isn't it?

The problem is that if a man has got to his 40s without having kids, he is usually very set in his ways and accustomed to doing things exactly how he wants to. This is not exactly compatible with family life. I made the BIG mistake of marrying someone who was like this and could not settle down to domesticity. I think DWC is in a better position as men in their late 20s/ early 30s are still quite young and less fixed in their outlook. I read somewhere that 1 in 4 men born in 1970 will be in a step family situation so perhaps things are changing. Unfortunately I am stuck with the older crowd due to my advanced age!!

I was also amazed by how men divided on the kids thing. I am mid-30s, so was looking at the 35-45 age group. I found that the men with children were either broken & bitter, kicked out by the wives and fighting to see the children - desperately hoping to find some kind of replacement home & family. Or they had run away from domesticity & were really just out for no-strings sex.
The unmarried men of that age, seemed either to be mentally unstable, wierd or totally up their own arses or heartbreakingly shy.