I would really welcome the thoughts of others about this situation, as I don't know if I'm over-reacting because of my own experiences or if my reaction is valid.
A close relative has a child and is no longer with the biologicial father..let's call him A. She split up with A and her son, who is now 9, no longer remembers him. A has no contact with the boy, although A's parents and brothers (his uncles) have kept in contact.
She then lived with man B, whom her son called "dad".
That relationship split up, and she is now settled with man C and they have a child of their own. Her first son was quite traumatised by her split with B, and remembers him. However, none of them have any contact with B and the son calls her new partner (C) "dad".
They haven't told the boy who his biological father is, and the child thinks that "dad" means his mother's partner.
We usually don't see them all that frequently, and it's really none of my business.
However, we've been asked to take the son with us on a short holiday, and although the subject is very, very, very unlikely to come up, I would be extremely uncomfortable with being complicit in deceiving the child about his parentage if the situation did arise. His grandmother, the relative's mother, who cares for the children a lot, is also uncomfortable about the situation but has been told firmly by her daughter that there is no need for the son to know until he asks..at this age he does not distinguish between "dad" and "biological dad".
The reason I am uncomfortable is that I saw my own mother very emotionally scarred by being told in the playground when she was about 11 that the woman she thought was her aunt was in fact her sister. This is something my mother talked about to me at length when I was growing up, and she never forgave those around her for what she saw as a deception.
I'd be interested in what others think especially if you have experienced this sort of situation at first hand, either yourself or have a child with similar circumstances. tia.