Not coping too well, and this situation I think is just aggravating it. its with regard to a work colleague

[Saltire]

I didn't know where else to put it.

I have been working there for about 18 months. I work part time, 12 hours a week. My job mainly involves stock - the counting and refilling of shelves, amking sure stock that it required is put on the system etc.

There is one colleague, who is just winding me up, I am finding it so hard to be civil to her (I'm not alone in this, other staff have commented as well)
Here are some examples.

When I count sotck ont eh shop floor, she is there, whatever aisle I'm working in guarantee within 5 minuts she appears. Then she starts
"did you see how good I was with that woman, I was good wasn't I? Did you notice did you see, I was good, I know she was pleased, see thats how I need to be on the shop floor allt eh time and not on the counter becasue the customers need me"
or "How come you are so late in doing that" when i reply that I put most of the delivery out by myself she says "see, thats how much of a difference I make, if I start at 9,00am like I am supposed to then I can get it all away for you" alll the while grinning like a feckin cheshire cat,and she mumbles when talking so she's really bad to understand.
If I'm talking with a customer she appears "Helloooo, is there anything I can help you with" whilst getting herself in between myself and the customer. If I am talking to another member of staff she appears and listens, she butts in, and she invades my personal space- which I hate, I cannot be doing with people who stand so cloase you can feel the hairs on their arm -
she texts me late at night (well not late, about 10ish)but if I reply she will cal me on teh mobile and chat about complete and utter shite until the phone battery runs out!. Even saying I'm going to bed doesn't make a difference.
She disappears into teh stockroom and rearranges it when I'm not there
This week she has been prattling on about going for a drink. I've tried every excuse int eh book, even saying "i've not go a sitter " "oh well I'll come to your house". then she started on about going out for the day "oh well we could take the dogs out I could come to yours and we could take your dog out and the boys and then bring him back to your and then take mine out" on and on and on she goes.

It has been mentioned before, when I ahd my staff reveiw I told my team mananger that I felt that this staff member was checking up on me, as she followed me everywhere and kept texting me.
On Thursday another staff member had gone to teh mannager with a complaint about this person, saying that she (the person making the complaint) has to stop putting stock away or delaing with customers ont eh shop floor to open up a till because there is a big queue of custoemrs and the one who I'm on about is nowhere to be seen.

I'm wffling I know and if you have got this far good on you. I ahve so much stress and upset in my life just now Idon't don't need to be fielding her off as well.

God I sound so petty don't I?.

You need to go back to your manager and explain that you feel harrassed by this person, it sounds like she has social issues but I understand what you mean when you say at this moment in your life you cannot cope!

I would stop replying to her texts and try very hard to distance yourself. Can you ask your manager with some ideas of how to deal with the situations at work oe "What should I say when she interrupts me when I am helping a customer?" if she criticises you try and say "stop criticising me"

With regard to her wanting to socialise with you can you say that you'd prefer to keep your work & home life seperate? Or do you socialise with others?

Really hard one to cope with.

why did you give her your mobile number?
could you change it?

Not petty at all, she sounds diffucult.

Breaking it down there are several issues:

1. Her wanting to be friends more than you do, and pestering you out of work time.

2. Her undermining you at work, interupting you when you are dealing with customers.

3. Her not doing what she should be at work, faffing about in the aisles instead of being on her till, etc.

4. Her just being an annoying person -standing too close, self congratulating, etc.

Not sure what you should do - think point 4 you just have to put up with tbh, some people are just irritating. Points 3 and 4 are for your supervisor to deal with, so mention and then forget.

Not sure about the most aggravating - no1 though...I think you are going to have to be REALLY blunt. Good luck!

No you don't sound petty at all. You are having to deal with someone who has extremely poor social skills, no sense of boundaries and who interferes in your work.

And the more you try to politely push her away the more she crowds you!

Very tricky!

You obviously can't change her. The only thing you can do is change your reaction to her. Don't answer the phone. or reply to texts. Make your boundaries firm on this.

While at work, can you try saying slowly and firmly to her, looking her in the eye, that you are dealing with this, and suggest she goes and helps somewhere else?

As for the stock rearranging, that is something reasonable to take up with your manager. Maybe a sit down with all responsible to be explicit about peoples jobs. You all know what you need to do, but it sounds like it really needs spelling out to her.

And lots of deep breathing. Sometimes with people like this if we keep reminding ourselves that they probably can't help it (lack of empathy, desperate need to be involved) and feel sorry for her, might help quell the quite justifiable annoyance you feel?

Agree with CG, she sounds like a very needy/insecure individual and it sounds like it must be very stressful, particularly when she's invading your life outside work.

Your manager needs to get on top of this situation, it does sound like harrassment although I suspect she's just not self-aware enough to realise how she's coming across. You've mentioned it to your manager before, what did he/she say or do after that?

It sounds like she'd be better off on the tills permanently where she wouldn't have the freedom to roam about?

I think you should give yourself a pat on the back as you haven't actually clocked her one yet she would drive me insane too!

Deep breaths. See even writing this down is winding me up.
Here's what going on in my life
I have health issues (I have Fibromyalgia) it is manaageable(just) with pain killers and ADs on a daily basis. However I do ahve pain pretty much 24/7.
I have a DH who isn't yet halfway through a 4 month overseas posting
I had MIL for a week followed by my mum for a week
I have a DS2 who writes thing like "I wish I was dead" and "I hate my life" on his arm in biro or on bits of paper
I have DS1 and 2 who argue,bicker fight,swear and answer me back
I am homesick, I miss my mum (even though she does me head in) I hate where I live, I hate my house.

And on top of that I have to deal with her.

Last time I mentioned it, something was said - I believe she was told at her own staff assesment - that she needed to stop interfering with other staff etc, and she was ok for a while, but seems to ahve got back into her old ways. I think whoever said she has no social skills is correct, she doesn't and doesn't seem to realise that she is invading my space, being suffocatiing etc.

It must feel like there is no calm, safe place for you to go. I used to think that work was a holiday away from ds, but this sad little person is making that haven a trial.

Is there anyway you can find a bit of "you' time away from it all?

don't pick up the phone when she calls, just let it ring. I know it's annoying, but just don't bother.

I would go back to your manager and ask her to have another word. Sounds deeply annoying.

Uh, total sympathy, am at college with a woman like this.
Actually was seeing a psychologist for a while and mentioned the woman in there as she was annoying me so much, basically she said just be direct etc, she'll probably never change and if you make it clear her attention is not wanted, she will probably move onto someone else (it worked btw) she's bugging some other poor soul now!!

Oh Saltire I remember now how unhappy you are where you live. Work is supposed to be your escape from it all! Clearly if her manager speaks to her again she should back off for a while.

I think you will have to be blunt with her because she is incapable of picking up on the social cues most people do.

fox - I don't answer now. She always sends me texts and if I reply then she rings, so now I don't answer them.

One of my colleagues was off for about 4 weeks, and on the day before she was due to come back to work, this same woman texted her 12 times in the space of an hour then called her and was on the phone for 45 minutes.She only stopped when the woman's DH took the phone off her and said that X had been ill and was going back to work and she could speak to her then

I think people like her 'sense' those who are at a weak ebb iyswim. I don't mean that as a criticism of you because you're obviously having a tough time but I've met people like her before and they often don't try it with the outspoken ones for long.

So either tell her where to go and if you don't fancy that (not sure I would), you'll have to go via your manager becuase she sounds like a right pita and is really invading your space and upsetting you.

She could be very insecure or completely up herself.

Don't reply to texts.

Speak to your manager about the work stuff and make it clear it has to stop. It underminds you and it isn't fair.

Tell her you don't want to socialise out of work.

I think insecurity is part of it. There are about 4 messages in my inbox on facebook from her now

delete her as a friend, you could message her first "sorry I no longer want to mix work and home life together" if you like or just delete.

Thing is she would go on and on and on. In reality I want to jsut tell het to F**k off!My manager says I am too nice, and that this colleague has picked up on this and wants to be my friend.

didn't mean get into conversation. Send her the message and then delete her.

She sounds like she has a socialisation disorder, like Aspergers or something. Is that a possibility? It doesn't help you when she is p*ssing you off but it might help you not to feel that is is personal.

Cargirl - I mean at work, even if I send her the message she'll say "oh you've deleted me, why did you do that, have you deleted anyone else? and on and on and on

I'm still a bit bemused why you gave her your number and added her to your facebook
she definitely got the implication somewhere along the line that you were friends

Perhaps you need to speak to your manager first. Perhaps the broken record approach may work "I'm working it's not time to be chatting" and so on and so on and so on

She got my number when 4 of us were at a conference and staying in different hotels.
The facebook thing, everyone I work with is added, and TBH she was never as bad as this - or at least not that I noticed, when I first started. I don't if it's the way I'm feeling mentally and physically that's making me get so wound up by her, or if she has actually got worse in her odd behaviour

As I was reading your description of this woman, I was thinking ASD! I could be wrong, indeed, i probably am, but so much of what you describe fits with characteristics of someone with ASD. I also thought she sounds like she actually has very low self esteem, hence the need to 'talk herself up', again, this fits with ASD.

Even if she is not, would it help you to treat her as though she is? You can tell her what is and is not acceptable to you and then carry out any actions you say. eg: if she phones you and you tell her you can'y be on the phone more than , say, five minutes, after five minutes, just say' our five minutes are up so i have to go now. See you at work (tomorrow/whenever) and put the phone down.

The problem with people like this is that they do often slip back into their bad habits, so need the people around them to be consistent and repepetive in dealing with them.