Dh just lost the plot

[tearyeyed]

Dcs were squabbling as usual amd dh lost his temper big time. He was roaring, shouting and swearing so loudly. I tried to calm him down but he just went rampaginf about the house screaming. He has kicked in the banister upstairs and damaged a door.

The poor dcs were really scared and upset - so was I. I dashed out and put them in the car cos I was genuinley scared for them. He cooled off and was really apologetic to us etc.

I feel sick now, have never seen him lose it like this before. He is not violent and has been v. patient up until now. I feel so shitty that my poor dcs witnessed this from their father. What can I do?

So he's blami g what he did on the fact his dd was aggressive? How old is she?? I know you mentioned ages earlier, very young I think. He will find them more of a trial as they get older, as I'm sure plenty of posters here will verify!!!

At age 2 my dd was a very wilfull child .....her dad, my ex, just clashed with herall the time. By time she was 6 I had to leave or he would've killed her, or killed me trying to stop him!! No joke!!!

Oh God tiffany that's awful!! She's 4 btw. When I have tried to tackle the issue this afternoon he is fully accepting he is in the wrong etc, but then it's "but we need to address dd's behaviour"...so I say "forget that for a minute - yours is my priority right now". ROund in circled you get the picture!

Her behaviour will be as a direct result of his. Absolutely no point in trying to address hers right now ...

Well they learn by example!! I'd turn it straight back round again and tell him she's getting it from him!!! He HAS to take responsibility for his behaviour. Now.

we have a safe word(s) for this type of situation. when we feel on the verge of becoming ridiculous or frenzied, we utter the words 'CODE RED' and it brings it to a close.

people move out the way, breathing re-commences and doors remain unscaithed.

it took a decade of displays of anger until we came up with code red and it seems to be working. stops you doing things you know you'll regret immediately afterwards.

you can do it for other people too... if you see them losing it- CODE RED, CODE RED!!!! and they'll check themselves and cool down a bit.

it's daftness dissipated it too.

We are talki g about an adult here though!! Why 'assist' them with their behaviour? Madness. And anyway, supposing you aren't around to step in and intervene!?! What then??

Look - if he is always calm and patient then I think that BlingDreaming probably has it spot on plus any irritation or anger he does show will be all the more scary because he is otherwise even tempered. I am the same - i keep a lid on absolutely everything and then if i do sneak out the odd mutter under my breath or sharp voice, people come down on me like a ton of bricks. Meanwhile other people get to rant and rave several times a day and it's considered acceptable. It's actually really hard. I'm not condoning his behaviour and I'm sure he isn't - just acknowledge how much effort he puts in the majority of the time (in terms of mood etc) and you are more likely to find a path forward together as a team to resolve this. Be his mate, not his opponent.