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Relationships

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Just a bit of green-eye, or something else?

8 replies

OrmIrian · 15/04/2009 08:13

We have some friends that we've known for years, pre-DC. They have always been better off than us, he as the director of an engineering company but resigned due to stress and is now doing a lowish paid part-time job. She is an LSA at a special needs school (similar to the one DH is working in). They have no mortgage and plenty of savings so finances are OK but they have had to cut back on holidays and cars etc.

DH has just got a teaching post at the school he is LSA at. I have gone back to work full-time. Financially we are probably now on a par. When DH is teaching we will be better off. No big deal.

Everyone who knows DH, many of them involved in teaching in some way, have all told him he will be just right for the job. His HT pushed him to apply for the post because she was so impressed with him. But this friend told DH, before he got the job, that she had heard through the grapevine that they were only going to offer him a part-time post because he wasn't experienced. That wasn't true. Then, after he had been offered the post, the first thing she said was that he was just interested in the money . She then proceeded to tell him how hard it is going to be, and that he's not stick it out for more than a term.

There were various comments about other subjects too. All a little bit negative and bitter. We were both taken aback TBH.

Is it envy? That she is still an LSA? Or that the status quo has been overturned? So many good things have happened to us recently.

It was vey uncomfortable. What can we do if something is bothering her?

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PatienceRequired · 15/04/2009 09:33

Great to hear that things are on the up for you, OrmIrian.

WRT your friends i would probably just say ignore and carry on as normal.

If she has got a problem with something it will come out at some point. Meanwhile you are worrying about it and not revelling in all the good things that are happening at the moment. Congrats to your DH too!

OrmIrian · 15/04/2009 10:27

I suppose you are right. Beleive me we are all revelling in it . But it would be nice if the people we liked were happy for us too. But I guess they have their own concerns

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OrmIrian · 15/04/2009 10:27

Thanks for the congrats btw!

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Katisha · 15/04/2009 10:31

She sounds oddly bitter. In fact she sounds plain rude.
You'll just have to ignore it I think as it doesnt sound as if it's in your power to make her feel any better about herself.

(And stick it out for more than a term obviously!)

PlumBumMum · 15/04/2009 10:36

OrmIrian I read your other thread about all your good luck and was so pleased, especially with all the doom and gloom about, but unfortunately there is always somebody ready to rain on your parade, she is just jealous , either ignore her, or say to her that we just want to enjoy this so if she has nothing positive to say etc

BUT this happened to us, years of our 'friends' saying little things here and there, and one day dh said that was it he was going to say something, but I decided I should as dh is not as subtle and the original comment was made to me, and we haven't really spoke to them since they were so taken aback that we were offended, but tbh I'm not that bothered it was one rule for them and another for us

OrmIrian · 15/04/2009 10:45

katisha - yes, it was rude wasn't it? In fact the more I think about it the more rude it seems. We were too surprised at the time to be annoyed.

plum - up till this point they have been fine. No nastiness at all. I don't think I could say anything atm. I am hoping it isn't going to sour our relationship permanently. I'm sorry your friends didn't take it well though

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violethill · 15/04/2009 12:00

Yes - definitely a touch of the old green eyes going on here.

Some people find it incredibly hard to deal with this sort of 'reversal of fortune' in friendships - they get used to the way things are, so if they are the higher earner/have a bigger house etc, they somehow rely on that differential within the friendship. Strange, but definitely seems to be true. We experienced a similar thing with one couple - we are the same age, both had 3 children of similar ages, but in the early days they were the higher earners - her DH had one of those jobs that went mental in the late 80s/90s and they just seemed to rake the money in.

Things are very different now - he has had to face redundancies a few times, and in the meantime DH and I have both worked our way up in secure jobs and earn well.

It shouldn't make a difference to how things are but sadly for some people it does. I think you need to back off and just wait for them to realise this sniping is about how they feel, not you.

OrmIrian · 15/04/2009 12:09

" think you need to back off and just wait for them to realise this sniping is about how they feel, not you"

Yes that's what I think too. It wasn't the chap - he was genuinely pleased.

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