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My husband is a depressed alcoholic...do I let him go?
gilbert1 · 19/04/2003 07:29
When my husband and I met he was getting over a failed marriage and alcoholism. I brought friendship and love into his life so as we got to know each other more and fell in love, he didn't feel the need alcohol as much. Over our 5 years together he still has had the occassion blow out but I was not worried.
Through all of our time together he has been a wonderful devoted husband and father, but for the past 6 weeks he has started drinking again, heavily. There are a lot of factors for this change (hates work, poor social life etc). But the scary thing is that he has changed so much to where he can not be in the same room as his 4 year old son and I, he now sees us as boring and demanding. So after 2 weeks of his insensitive ways, I have let him go! The problem is though that he is really depressed and his family and I feel he needs professional advice but he won't accept it...I don't know what to do! Do I let him go and forget about him and concentrate on our son, or do I wait for him to see if he comes out of this depressed stage?
teetotal · 19/04/2003 08:39
I've changed my name for this as other family members post on here and I don't want to be 'told off' for putting all this into the public domain.
My FIL is an alcoholic and can only go for a couple of weeks without a drink but will then have 2-3 weeks sometims longer were we cannot contact him in any way shape or means, he doesn't answer the phone or the door and I very much doubt he even gets his post in because he spends the whole time drunk. Anyway we have tried and tried to help him personally and profesionally and he simply does not see it a problem and even refuses to talk about it one his sober days. I have totally given up on him and because of a very different story would rather never talk or see him again for the rest of his or my life but the other members of the family seem all to happy to let his behaviour get worse and affect their relationships, which they do.
I'm really not sure if I'm giving any advise but just wanted to post how he makes me feel, even though he lives 160 miles away I simply cannot cope with the 'drinking weeks' and will never see an end to it.
I hope you do manage to reach an end to this situation as I can personally say that when it goes on and on it's very destructive even though as my name suggests I never touch a drop.
mmm · 19/04/2003 17:29
It's such a tricky one - I used to live with a junkie and was constantly lied to and told that he wasn't using etc . I think men with big problems like that are such a drain on our own resources and it depends if you feel strong enough to cope with his addiction and not very nice behaviour. Is he horrible to your son ? ( or you ?) The only one who can help him to get better is himself and he has to want to. Good luck . How about getting in touch with Al Anon and see what they say about living with someone with alcohol dependancy ?
snowqueen · 19/04/2003 18:24
I know its difficult to end a relationship and you may feel guilty and sorry for him for letting him go but your son is most important and you must do what you think is best for him.
You might decide you want to remain friends and see him when he's sober or when ds isn't around and support him while he gets professional help.
You also need to think what you will do if your ds asks about his father later on. I don't want to scare you but my friend had a child removed by social services because she wasn't prepared to leave her partner who had mental health problems and often got drunk.
zebra · 20/04/2003 18:47
Gilbert1: what a pisser of a situation. My mom is alkie, my brothers drug addicts. Plenty of other addictive types in the rest of my life...
What I honestly think is that you have to concentrate on the things you can control, you can do something about. That's your life and your 4yo son's life. Unfortunately, your husband is not one of those people or things you can do a lot for. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can fix him in any way. And if being around him makes you crazy, don't be around him. You have every right an obligation, truly to put your sanity and the stability of your son's life FIRST.
Whatever you do, make sure your son knows it's not his fault that daddy went away, that daddy doesn't seem to like him any more. I don't know how you do that, but you must get the message thru.
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