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Original poster

Friends DD stole my DD's DS game.

10 replies

npg1 · 14/04/2009 20:45

I have a friend of mine, who I am trying to stay away from as our DD's dont get on very well and her D is very bitchy and nasty to my DD at times.

They stayed for the night about 6 weeks ago and DD ds game went missing, friend's D said she put it on the shelf. Up til now I have not been able to find it and it was always in the back of my mind if she had taken it or hidden it somewhere as it was DD's favourite game and girl can me quite nasty at times. ( I know, I know, why do I see them? But me and mum are like best friends)

I said to he rmum cant find it anywhere, her D swore she hadnt taken it etc etc.

Got a phone call today to say 'oh found the game, it was in D jean pocket' and that was basically it. She did apologise briefly but wasnt really bothered and made a joke of it.

I am quite upset now about it and not sure if I should say something to her. Worst thing is we are going there for dinner tomorrow and not sure if I should cancel now. Dont want them round here now as not sure what else may go missing.

What you would do and how would you react if this happened?

OP posts:

mrsboogie · 14/04/2009 20:52

I would say nothing but hide/lock away anything that wasn't nailed down that she was likely to take an interest in, in the hope that she grows out of it and you can remain friends with your mate.

Pheebe · 14/04/2009 21:11

SIL had a similar situation a while back. Whole gaggle of girls round, ds game went missing, SIL hit the roof. Unlike you she accused everyone in sight and said none of them could come round again til it was returned. Turned out it had fallen into one of the girls turn-ups, the mum found it and returned it. Perfectly innocent. Needless to say SIL and her dd fell out big style - SIL had ruined dds life etc etc.

TBH I would play it down, could have been innocent and you'll never know for sure. Don't take DS with you and make sure anything valuable is put away when (if) they visit again.

Amanda78 · 14/04/2009 21:15

Hi,

I don't mean to sound as if you are making too much of this as I understand how annoying it must be to have things go missing, spend ages looking for things and probably worse of all dealing with the feelings of your DD's when something horrible has happened to them (at the hands of this little girl!)

However, kids are kids and do go through all sorts of funny stages, pulling hair, pushing, biting etc and I think this little girl is probably perhaps a little jealous or similar. You don't mention how old the children are but I would simply put it down to a 'phase' and try to make the most of the situation by having your girls learn from it i.e behaviour that is wrong etc etc.

I can't see any benefit for you to distance yourself from this friendship and perhaps your friend is finding her dd's behaviour quite difficult, hence not being overly apologetic when the game turned up! Perhaps she finds it difficult to talk about. My guess is she may need a little support and providing your girls are not in any real danger I would stick in there!

Hope I don't sound too unsympathetic with the situation. Good luck x

Doha · 14/04/2009 21:15

Sorry but it took her 6 WEEKS to find it in her D's jeans pocket. Don't think so however if you value your friendship with your friend you have to get past this one.

Not sure what l would do but your friend is probably very embaressed about the whole thing. Don't cancel you dinner just make sure your DD takes nothing of any value with her....

Original poster

npg1 · 14/04/2009 21:16

Completely agree with you. The only thing I am worried about is that the D said to me she had given it to her mum and the mum couldnt remember. Also this is not the first time she has stolen from my house.

I didnt blame anyone but i knew it wasnt in my house as I had hunted high and low so I was waiting for the phone call!

But I am now sitting here thinking if it had happened the other way round her mother would make her feelings quite clear to me. I am not that sort of person though and will just sit and stew on it for a few days!

OP posts:

Original poster

npg1 · 14/04/2009 21:21

the girls are both 6yrs old. I dont think this is a phase as her D has been like this since about 2yrs old and her behaviour etc is getting worse. There are lots of things I dont want to go into as its a different subject but her behaviour is definatly getting worse, swearing lots of other things involved which I dont want my DD involved in which is why I have taken a back seat from them.

The thing is though how much of a go do you give it when your Dd is teling you she doesnt want to play with her?

OP posts:

Niftyblue · 14/04/2009 21:29

Go for dinner tomorrow
But don`t have her dd to yours again

DS friend did this with Ds playstation games I caught him putting them in his bag just before he was leaving to go home from a sleepover

I didnt tell my friend as she would not of believed me saying that my ds had said he could borrow them or something He has done it elsewhere to and isnt allowed back to another house

We go there and see these friends out but I have`nt had this lad back for a playdate/sleepover and I never will he really is sly and sneaky

Amanda78 · 14/04/2009 21:29

It is a difficult one, perhaps consider saying to your friend that you are a little upset at the situation although you understand these things happen and would she mind keeping a closer eye on her DD when in and around your kids / home etc. You could always say that you want to stop this type of thing happening for the sake of your girls' friendship with her little girl.
Just an idea.

mrsboogie · 14/04/2009 21:38

if you value your friendship with this woman why not say something to her along the lines that the little ones don't seem to be getting along too well at the moment and that your DD was upset by the game incident and perhaps we should give hem some space apart.

Then hopefully the idea of their friendship will fade away and you can remain friends with the mother. It's not fair to force her on your daughter if she doesn't like her.

Amanda78 · 14/04/2009 21:45

It sounds as if its more than an isolated incident, that is perhaps a little more complex.

I have always been a firm believer in that you can't force friendships and maybe you need to listen to your girls.

Is there any way of continuing your friendship with 'mum' away from the children? Maybe you could tell your friend that your girls are a little upset at the moment and perhaps some time apart would be good in order to restore friendship in the long term. It may sound cruel but the old saying got to be cruel to be kind, and that is what you are doing. Perhaps this type of conversation will open up 'mums' feeling re her dd's behaviour where you maybe able to help. Again just an idea.

I do understand that it is easy to offer ideas / suggestions and that in practice considering all the other factors not discussed, in reality it's easier said than done!

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