My sex drive is non-existent. Am I the only one?

[goinggreyalready]

My sex drive is much lower than DH's and always has been, but I made lots of effort when we were TTC our DS. The lack of action continues to cause rows between DH and me and things certainly aren't improving, even though we would both dearly love another baby (and I'm 36).

I'm starting to feel like some sort of freak and that the rest of the world must be at it like rabbits. Has anyone else had this problem, and if so, what did you do about it? Please share your stories so I can hopefully feel more positive about TTC when I do actually do the deed again

Thanks

I have no sex drive either, 3 children under 5 am constantly knackered, BFing a baby that never sleeps for longer than 3 hours at a time and cosleeps has put paid to that.

I do enjoy it once I get down to it but come an evening I want to flop on sofa watch TV or MN.

I think it's an incredibly common problem judging by conversations with friends and other MN threads. In fact I told my DH about an MN thread where everyone was comparing how much sex they had and the norm really wasn't that much. And he said the trouble is that the idea is sold to us by the media etc that everyone else has these incredible sex lives and so women feel inadequate and men feel resentful (I know it happens the other way round but it does seem to be less common). If you can track down that thread (I'm working now so no time to search) maybe you could show it to him?

Thanks Higglepig, that's made me feel a little better. I can talk to my friends about all sorts of things, but how do you ever ask anything as personal as 'how often do you do it!'

Know just what you mean sweetkitty, and you've got 3 to look after. At the end of the day the last thing I feel like feeling is sexy- just knackered! If it's a choice between sleep or sex, comfy pjs and sleep win every time.

Think DH will suss me out if we're TTC and I only feel like doing it in the middle of each month. He wants to sort out our sex life before we actually try and I just can't get in the mood. Any advice anyone?

Hmm, no advice I'm afraid, but I am inclined to agree with your dh that you need to sort this out for your relationship rather than muster some up temporarily while you try for another baby.

The GP is the starting point, I think. You can get testosterone patches these days if you have an imbalance. Does dh help much at home? Do you get any fun/relaxing time on your own so you feel like an indvidual with needs of any kind which are important? Are you close and intimate, affectionate with each other?

I need affection to be in the mood. TBH I don't have a sex drive but he initiates and it usually works out great but only if we're getting on/being close/intimate/affectionate etc

Are you generally shy? I know that is my problem. But fortunately for me my DP is quite persistent and when forced encouraged I really do enjoy it and come out of my shell so to speak....

Could there be a hormonal issue? I have no real interest since I had the implant put in, having it replaced for copper coil soon as I feel I'm missing out as much as dh.

General advice seems to be that the more you actually take the time to do it the more you end up wanting to, even if it is a bit of an effort at first. Everyone always thinks other people are up to it more than them.

Sorry girls, haven't been ignoring you- new to all this and have posted thread twice by mistake (blush). Have been replying on the other thread if you want to join. Thanks for your suggestions here.