Think we have come to the end of the road

[Eve34]

I think this is a self absored ramble, so apologies, just want to write it down and see it in black and white.

Apologies for spelling etc.

Been with DP for 5 years. Ds is 2.5 I have/had PND. It was like a switch I just stopped functioning. DP has stood by me. I am on 40mg citalapram a day. It makes me very tired, all i want to do is sleep.

I work 2 part time jobs and do everything around the house.

DP is in the navy, although has been shore based most of the time, he has an active social life and hobbies.

I know i have been difficult to be with, but I have been so much better this year, i believed we were getting back on track.

He said last night, that it is clear i have no feelings for him, and he can't see a future for us. I am speechless.

He is right i have no emotions at all for anyone. That is terrible, felt it was due to the medication. It is not just him, it is everyone. I am loyal, kind and supportive. we have an active sex life, although it is an effort on my part, i know it is important.

I resent the fact that me and ds come secong to his life - although he thinks not - he says he needs his space and down time. He fishes for 12-14 hours each saturday. he is really untidy, does nothing to help out at home and i have exhusted my self asking for him to do anything, it gets ignored, even though I have explain that it helps me emotionally to have some sort of order at home.

He says i need to get out more, i rather do family stuff, as if i do anything it would be a sunday - and our son would miss out in my opinion. I do have some me time, but struggle emotionally away from where i feel safe.

I have issues I know, I am sure counselling, would help - how do I go about it.

What do I tell DP I want us to be together, I am sure we can work through this, but i need him on side for a bit longer rather than adding to the stresses I have.

Many thanks for getting to the end. x

Eve, so sorry to hear what you've been going through. I haven't read the whole thread, but just wanted to say that, yes, you have your own issues to work through and you know that - but your partner doesn't sound at all easy to live with, and not because of something understandable, like depression. Being messy (when he knows this affects you emotionally), doing zero around the house, and getting a full day's fishing to himself each week is, IMO, utterly unsupportive.

FWIW, I have a close friend whose husband is similar on the fishing and does-little-to-help fronts. It is damaging their relationship, too; he has a ton of time for himself, and she feels unsupported - it's soul-destroying.

So yes, do all you can to help yourself - get your meds adjusted, see if you can go for some counselling perhaps, take up some exercise if you can - but do ask yourself if this man is really capable of offering you what you would like, and quite reasonably expect, in a loving, equal partner.

Best of luck.

Thank you so much for the replies. I know i have read similar threads and have thought that you deserve so much more than this. Move on you will get past this.

Now I am living it for myself I understand it is so much more than knowing you should expect better.

Today has been so hard, took DS to gym tots for the first time - went to the wrong place and stumbled in by mistake. He was terrible - He is more use to soft play where he can do what he wants, he didn't understand waiting.... or sitting. I was beside myself - won't be showing my face there again. They must of thought I was nuts!

Then he didin't want to go shopping, so we had a bit of a show down. My fault. I saw red.

All is calm now. DP is back tomorrow as I have to go to work.

I keep having moments where I plan for him not being here, have worked out financies already. Then I think DS would be better with DP and fall apart just thinking about it. I also thought I could finally get the clothes in my wardrobe into some order, how sad am I?

DP is staying at base. Food etc on tap. no stress of pressure from anyone. Alright for some.

Ronshar - runnig sounds great, but can bearly run up stairs. Need to get some fresh air and exercise though I know I will feel better for it.

Again thank you so much for the in put it is really appreciated.