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Relationships

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Original poster

DH not interested in schools etc

13 replies

nomorechoc · 11/04/2009 10:18

This might not sound like a big deal, but DH has absolutely no interest in deciding on schools for DC and i wondered if this is normal or not..is it normally just the Mother who does all this stuff like looking into schools? he has no interest which i find a bit strange..

OP posts:

BonsoirAnna · 11/04/2009 10:20

Is he interested in other aspects of the raising and development of your children?

Original poster

nomorechoc · 11/04/2009 10:23

Umm, not sure really. give me an eg?
we dont really agree on discipline..

OP posts:

BonsoirAnna · 11/04/2009 10:24

Is he excited about the early developmental milestones and does he work to encourage them? Does he read books to the children? Does he take them out on adventures and encourage them to climb/run/kick balls? Etc

Original poster

nomorechoc · 11/04/2009 10:29

He's fairly happy to do stuff like that if i suggest it.
Re schools it just annoys me i guess that he doesnt seem to think that education is v important. i would have thought that he would want the best opportunity for his DC

OP posts:

BonsoirAnna · 11/04/2009 10:30

Does he have much education himself?

Original poster

nomorechoc · 11/04/2009 10:34

Well he went to public school bu not on to uni. i went to state school but then on to uni. dc will have state education. - he says he doesnt understand the school system but surely thats a bit weak? not that much to know is there..

OP posts:

BitOfFunnyBunny · 11/04/2009 10:35

Sounds normal to me. Well, obviously lots of dads do take an interest, but it's not unusual to be like your dh. He probably wants you to do the research and running round, and then just give your decision a cursory rubberstamp like it was decorating the back bedroom or something. Weird, but common enough.

Reallytired · 11/04/2009 10:47

My husband has no interest in picking schools for children. It doesn't mean he doesn't love his family.

As far as early milestones go, my husband only cared when it was obvious my son had problems and needed physio and audiology. I can't blame him for not being that bothered whether a child walks at 9 months or 18 months.

Sometimes someone just has to make a decision about a school rather than a family deciding everything by democracy. Its a matter sharing different responsiblities. Ie. my husband looks after most of the bills where as I look after most of the school stuff.

Karam · 11/04/2009 20:53

I teach and one of the sociologists at work always joke about the lack of sexual equality in the home. We were discussing it one open evening and he was explaining how loads of homes are still matriarchies - the mother makes all the major decisions, particularly when it comes to schooling etc. To make his point, he noted how it was always the mothers who asked all the questions at Open evenings, whilst the dad just followed on behind, nodding in the right places. I had never noticed it before - but once it was pointed out to me, it was really obvious - Yes it was the mothers who did all the talking, asked all the questions etc and the dads did generally follow on behind just picking up the leaflets or nodding in the right places. Of course, not all parents are like this - but it is something I have noticed loads. So I wouldn't worry lots of people are like that.

P.S. My hubby is just the same - his argument is that I'm a teacher so I know more about such things!

JuxaLOTmoreChocolate · 11/04/2009 21:30

DH was totally uninterested until recently, and quite happy to let me choose nursery and her first school (from which we moved her quite quickly as it was crap after the nice head had left).

We then moved house and she was allocated a Primary by the LEA. As it was a totally new area for us, we didn't know anything about any of the schools, and on league tables and Ofsted all looked much of a muchness, so we both shrugged and sent her there.

However, dh has become more interested as time has gone on. DD is 9 now, and he has expressed doubts about this school for as long as I have (since Sept) and become more concerned.

He was very active in finding her new school, which we are all three looking forward to DD starting at after Easter (even though it means DH driving her there every morning!)

Your dh may just grow into it.

soopermum1 · 13/04/2009 22:42

DH is the same, though I honestly think he just trusted my judgement. I was very clear and very vocal about what I thought about schools, the ones I would pick and why. He just agreed and that was that. I suppose if you're both agreeing and you are being the more 'active' one in the applications process then there may not be much need for him to do much. Try throwing a really random school, or comment in there, and see if he reacts

cat64 · 13/04/2009 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cherryblossoms · 13/04/2009 23:16

nomorechoc - I think Karam is right. In fact, there was a report in the paper the other day saying just this; women make the decisions about schooling, though men tend to get in board in the final stage ie visiting the school you have chosen.

Just don't do what I did; researched all the schools, found the "best" option and then allowed dh to veto it and choose another! Which he now says is not very good! Aaagh! Why oh why did I listen to him? [v. puzzled emoticon]

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