What can I do about DH's (rare) swearing episodes?

[suwoo]

It has happened twice in the last 6 weeks or so. (and more times over the last 10 years)

DH has lost his temper and told me to fuck off in front of the DC. Once was over a serious (ish) thing, the second was a pathetic trivial and completely unjust reason.

The 1st time I took the kids and flounced out for the day to make him know I was not having it.

He is very contrite afterwards and he knows it is wrong.

He knows I have told my mum and I'm sure he is pretty embarrassed to know she knows.

But...what can I do? How can I make sure this doesn't happen again?

Please don't say leave him, that won't be helpful. Thanks.

You've done all you can, I think. Just stand your ground like you did.

Is he stressed? (I am not excusing his behaviour btw)

If he is willing to discuss it (sounds like he might be) could you work out a contingency plan if he feels that he is about to lose it? (e.g. he immediately leaves the room and goes and swears in the garage or whatever, and he makes you aware in some discreet way not to try and stop him leaving the room?)

And have an agreement that you won't discuss it in front of the dcs if his temper is likely to flare while you are discussing these things?

Yeah he can get a bit stressed. He just loses his temper quickly with certain things, both times it related to something important to him ie the laptop and the car.

The kids are more important to me though.

A friend suggested turning it round to our DD and asking him how he would feel if she was in a relationship where this was happening. He wouldn't like that, I don't suppose.

That's a good idea cremeegg, however I'm not sure if the whole point of him doing it is to get at me how/where iit hurts, although I think I'm probably reading too much into that.

he has said fuck off twice in 6weeks and you expect people to tell you to leave him??

Depends on the intent I guess. I and dh use "fuck" as a universal adjective.

I would be more worried if he said it in anger. Is there anyway you can approach the underlying reason for his outburst(s) without him flying off the handle again.

Its not the swearing as such, I swear like a trouper. Maybe its because I know there is more to it which is why I expected one person at least to say leave him. Be honest though Harley, you do see it a lot on relationship threads people will say leave him.

OK, so how about if I tell you that I inadvertently got the car clamped and he lost the plot. In front of the children he gave me a barrage of abuse lasting about 10 minutes, which included such gems as 'you are a fucking lazy cunt'.

suwoo I have been at work so missed your response to me earlier. Have just read your post of 14:16 and when you mention the car clamping situation it does sound like he is trying to belittle you in front of the children.

Dh and I both swear, but generally not in front of the dcs. (dd1, 5 always notices if one of us, usually dh, slips up)

There is a big difference between swearing in frustration at inanimate objects and swearing at your dw in front of the children.

I get what you are saying about how these relationship threads sometimes go off on a tangent - i.e. leave him!

I haven't got any words of wisdom. Would he b able to discuss it with you do you think and listen to your concerns if you told him what you have said on here?

I'm sorry but that is out of order. There is no way I would tolerate DH speaking to me like that alone - especially not in front of dcs! That shows complete disrespect for you IMO.

When you say you swear like a trouper, do you use those words a lot in general conversation?

Yes to DH and friends etc but no in front of the children (unless one slips out of course). If I swore all the time I would be a big hypocrite about him swearing at me wouldn't I?

Its either a power trip or a way of pressing my buttons. I think the latter.