I have been married for 19 years and have 3 children age 6 (boy), 11 and 14 (girls). I now realise I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship pretty much from the start. He has always told me what to do and constantly critisises. He tells me that it is his right to critisise as he he only trying to help me and I shouldn't mind it. I have always tried to please him and have pretty much acted as his servant when I look back. He is a heavy drinker and in the past has hurt me physically by grabbing me by the throat and throwing heavy things at me. I tells me that it is my fault as I make him violent/drink. The physical violence stopped in 2005 when one night I called the police but the emotional abuse has got worse since then and he keeps telling me I have let him down and he can never trust me. More recently he has started emotionally abusing our 2 girls, putting them down, telling them they are sluts/retarted/just like their mother and much worse. They both hate him and are begging me to divorce him. He has never hurt them physically but will often threaten to. The problem is that in 2000 he stopped working due to stress and became the 'Mum' in the house. I have been told by solicitors that if I just took the kids he could legally claim abuduction as he is their main carer. There is no way he would leave us as due to his mental state - he rarely leaves the house and can just about manage the school runs and trip to local town. He totally relies on me for everything and is in very many ways like my 4th child. I so want this situation to end as everyday I feel I am letting the girls down but I just cannot see a way out. I have more recently told family and friends and they all want it to end (even his sister) but like me, cannot see a way out.
I am posting this while away from home for work. My 11 year old has been phoning me begging me to come home as Dad is being nasty. Please please can anyone see a way out of this terrible situation.