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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Finding things difficult :(

3 replies

SmartiesDontKnowTheAnswer · 09/04/2009 21:48

I was a single parent for 5 years so became used to having lots of time to myself, sometimes (often) too much and I used to dream of what it would be like to be part of a "real family" again.

I met my current partner last year and both of us hated being on our own so we decided to move in together.

It was great at first, my boys got on great with his daughter, me and DP loved being around each other all the time and there were no regrests.

Only now I'm starting to find it all very difficult. I get no time on my own at all. When my kids are in bed, his daughter is still up. When my kids go to their dads house, his DD is still here.

There is so much noise now, arguments between the kids constantly, arguments over the TV, arguments over the PC.It seems like I just blend into the background whilst the rest of them do their thing.

I sometimes think of my old house, how I could always be on my own if I wanted to be. Sometimes on a night when my kids are messing around in their bedroom (they share now, never had to before) and his DD is downstairs controlling the TV, the dogs are flying around.......I think back to how my night would have been in my old house. Kids in bed, silence, me laying on sofa watching whatever I wanted. I miss it.

Is this just a phase or have I made a big mistake?

OP posts:
fourkids · 09/04/2009 21:51

How old are your DSs and your DSD? And how long have you been living together?

mrsboogie · 09/04/2009 21:53

its just a case of the grass being greener isn't it? if you were still alone now you would probably be wishing for noise and company!

Do you still love your DP and want to be with him? If the answer is yes then maybe its a question of setting some rules about "you time". Could his DD have a small telly in her room? could you not set a reasonable bed time for her? do you get any nights out with the girls or with your DP? Could you join some yoga classes on the weekend or enjoy some pampering treatments when your kids are at their dads and your DP can be with his daughter?

Spidermama · 09/04/2009 21:55

I totally understand the craving for solitude. I have four kids and a talkative dh and I love the rare moments I have on my own.

Is there any way you can talk to him about how you're struggling and perhaps say you need time to yourself now and again. Sometimes I get dh out of the house with all the kids so I can be alone. He'll go off fishing now and again too as he needs time alone.

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