Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Just found out a guy I know indirectly is playing around with another girl

16 replies

CrushWithEyeliner · 09/04/2009 16:32

his wife has just given birth. He has 3 children.

I don't really "know" him, just an aquaintance and work colleague of DH. I don't know what the point of me writing it down here is. Just that I feel and . I hear so many stories with this exact scenario. Why do they do it? why?

OP posts:

dreamingofoz · 09/04/2009 17:03

Because they just don't think of the consequences....A standing cock has no conscience

I know a few of dh's work collegues are doing the same.

pramspotter · 09/04/2009 18:21

These guys are just cruel. How they can love their cocks more than the love their wife and children is beyond me.

ScorpiowithabigS · 09/04/2009 18:22

It's horrid.

I know when i have heard of simialr it makes me worry, and see how fragile marriage can be.

pramspotter · 09/04/2009 18:34

Men like this will say that their marriage is in bad shape. It probably is.

They want to go out and do what they want with their dicks and they resent the wife and kids for making it difficult for them to live that kind of life. They cannot admit this however.

This causes them to start resenting the wife and kids and building up anger against them.

They deal with these feelings by treating their wives like shit, really eroding her self esteem. Then she becomes miserable as a result of being treated like shit by the man she loves and the father of her children. She feels like a failure and shuts off emotionally.

Then the man says "My wife is a miserable cow. She is cold. The marriage is in the gutter and I should be able to do what I want".

So they cheat and then they blame their wives. They think that they are justified.

Original poster

CrushWithEyeliner · 09/04/2009 21:24

Yes, quite Scorpio - how fragile indeed...

I wonder what on earth they tell the girls; my marriage is a sham, I don't love my wife anymore. But when they wife has just given birth . It is just appalling that these guys cannot be honest with themselves or their partners. But would it be worse to actually leave the Wife? Do they even want to? I don't know I am just trying to understand WTF goes on in their weird heads.

OP posts:

twinsetandpearls · 09/04/2009 21:27

dreamingofoz not really fair to tar all men with the same brush.

dreamingofoz · 09/04/2009 21:33

not talking about all men, just the cheating scumbags!

twinsetandpearls · 09/04/2009 21:36

But all men have standing cocks, most have a conscience too!

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 09/04/2009 21:44

Well I am sorry that this has upset you but it is not, actually, any of your business. You barely know the people concerned and certainly don't know their situation. Maybe his wife has told him that she is fine with him having his sexual needs met elsewhere for the moment, while she is busy recovering from the birth and caring for her newborn.

twoclimbingboys · 09/04/2009 21:47

each to their own solid, but surely that would be the tiny minority. I would bet money that his wife would want his bits off to feed to the dogs

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 09/04/2009 21:49

Well maybe - but the point is that the OP doesn't know, and nor does anyone else, so all this projecting and handwringing is an utter waste of energy.

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 09/04/2009 21:53

Actually, do you even know that the guy is 'playing around'? Could he have been giving his sister a lift to the station when some numpty with nothing better to do saw them and decided to start a rumour?
I say this as, years ago, when I was actually in a monogamous relationship, a work colleague claimed I was having an illicit assignation as she had seen me kiss and walk up the road with A Man - who was in fact my then DP who had a) gained a bit of wieght in the 3 months since she last saw him and b) undergone a radical new hairdo...

notapparent · 09/04/2009 21:57

I have a friend who I haven't seen for years, whose dp has been having an affair with another friend of mine for three years now - it is extremely awkward, particularly as they (man and dp no 1) were at a bash I threw last weekend. The first lady has no clue about the second, and I do feel terribly sorry for her as her family were wped out in a creash when she was a child so she has no 'family' except for him and he is deceiving her dreadfully.

Sazisi · 09/04/2009 22:08

notapparent
I'd be afraid your friend could recognise herself from that post. Wouldn't be a nice way to find out (not that there is a nice way)

notapparent · 09/04/2009 22:09

she won't.

mrsblanc · 10/04/2009 00:11

You have no idea what is actually going on in other peoples' lives so should not concern yourself with this friend's alleged behaviour

Flip