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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lying, about little things

5 replies

MeltedEasterEgg · 09/04/2009 09:12

I suspect I may be over-reacting here but if there is one thing that makes me wary of people, it's lying.

So I've been with my partner for around two months. We have purposely introduced the kids (mine and his) as friends and we have been on many days out together, the idea being that eventually the kids will realise in their own time that we're more than friends but it will be done slowly and subtly. So no big shock and no awkward "meet mummy's/daddy's new boy/girlfriend etc.

This has worked out brilliantly so far. However yesterday he told me that his daughter has no idea that we're more than friends yet ... then in the next breath he told me that she has already offered to give up her room if we were to move in with them. So she must know? why did he lie and say she didn't?

He's done similar things in the past. I think the problem is that he tends to think very far ahead and feels embarrassed to admit that he has all these plans for us so early on, so the lies are designed to make it seem like he isn't as far thinking as he is.

But to me, lying (on any scale) is a warning sign ... or am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
pginthecloset · 09/04/2009 09:17

How old is his daughter? From what you said I wouldn't immediately assume your DP has lied to you.

It could be that his really daughter has no idea of your relationship (i.e. he hasn't told her anything), but she could just be fantasising and innocently talking about you two being together as a couple.

MeltedEasterEgg · 09/04/2009 09:27

She's 12. I guess you're right. I'm just ultra wary of men I suppose from past experiences.

OP posts:
Tiggiwinkle · 09/04/2009 09:29

Maybe she likes you and is innocently trying to suggest something along the lines of you moving in to her Dad? I would not automatically assume he is lying!

HappyWoman · 09/04/2009 10:50

I hate lying on all levels too but it sounds as if like you say he is shy of letting you know he has been wishing for more. Maybe his mouth is not fully engaged with his brain when he makes these comments.

Good luck and hope it works out for you.

goodnightmoon · 09/04/2009 11:33

that doesn't sound like lying to me. she may not even quite realise what she knows and doesn't know. IYSWIM.

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