compromise on having kids?

[Debra1981]

I am in my 20s, have 1 DD, and would love to have at least one more. DP has none, loves my DD and is great with her but not overly keen on having any (particularly doesn't like babies), altho he says he's not completely set. Is there hope for us? I know I should presume that he won't change his mind but I can't help hoping. Is there a chance that he will? Is it really a breaker if he won't? He doesn't seem bothered by this difference of ours but I can only imagine that the resulting resentment if it remains for too long will be quite raw and toxic.

How old is your DP, and how long have you been together? If he's also in his 20's, there's a good chance he'll change his mind (but don't expect him to be great in the baby stage, lots of men only like LOs when they can walk and talk a bit) but if he's in his 50's, forget it.

As for whether it's a breaker, that's as much down to you as him. There's no such thing as "compromise" on having children - you either do, or you don't, and if one wants (as you do) and the other doesn't (but your DP isn't certain on that) someone has to back down, and that someone has to decide whether to bitch and moan about it forever after, or to end the relationship.

he is in his early 40's, but it's fairly new still, a few months. I figured it's not going to happen once he hits 50 certainly. I know it's down to me as well, but I'd like to know if other relationships have 'survived' such a difference (ie after someone has backed down as you put it), and somehow stayed relatively healthy?

Have you made it clear to him that you would love to have more kids? You are still young, so could easily find someone else to have a family with if it is really crucial to you.

Personally I would have hated to be with someone who wouldn't have had children. I don't think I could have ever compromised to that extent. It sounds from your first post that you too like kids and want more. I can understand your DP as babies in your early 40's (particularly if you don't really like them) is a tough one. But personally I don't like the chances of a happy relationship forming when one partner (you) has to give up a dream of being a mum.