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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

supporting friend in abusive relationship

2 replies

MitchyInge · 06/04/2009 13:42

Any general tips/advice? We don't live near each other (by a couple of 100 miles) so I'm not much practical help, but was thinking more in terms of what to say/not to say.

Background, v briefly, is that they don't live together but were gearing up for it - luckily it hasn't happened yet. He has bitten her and pushed her around, he seems to resent her seeing/spending time with her own family (grown up daughter and baby grandson) but it also seems to escalate when she is physically weak too (she has been ill). She has ended it lots of times but then got back together with him, however this weekend he pushed her hard and then followed her into another room and started 'cuffing' her round the head. Her brother has just been in a terrible accident and lost two limbs, and this is his response. He completely denies it after the event, leaving her feeling as if she is going mad.

I don't want to 'tell' her what to do but I do want to help, specifically to help her not downplay it. I've been in a similar situation many years ago and am keen not to revisit it too closely, if at all, I just want to offer general support?

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 06/04/2009 14:16
Sad
OP posts:
bubblagirl · 06/04/2009 14:22

all you can do is be there and not judge her

remind her that she would be better off alone and the reasons but back it up with you'll be there to support her no matter what but you want her to be happy

it took me 4 yrs to get out mine and i had endless support but the only words that rang in my ears was his i anted to go but he made me feel it was all my fault one day i woke up and knew id had enough and left all you can do is be there and thats it and remind her its not her fault

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