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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Give me some of that backbone I really really need.

7 replies

justthinkingiamnotbeingsilly · 05/04/2009 20:27

Ok, I could have posted this on the AIBU thread but I thought I'd do it here.

Namechanger - just want to run something by you lovely people.

H and I split (his choice). That's totally crappy and I've spent over a month of hell. But the relationship wasn't great anyway.....

Move on. Anyway, I'm always validating how I feel about things to him, almost getting a second opinion on why I might be angry about something, when really, it is okay for me to be angry. Even if sometimes it is slightly off bat. I don't have to get his permission to be angry or lessen it because I don't want to offend him.

So this evening when he brings DD back. He comes in, baths her, etc. Then before he goes I tell him he has left her dirty clothes on the floor. Am I supposed to pick them up for him???? I tell him to pick them up, he rolls his eyes and I ask him whats the matter, then he tells me I am being petty. Whatever! I dont leave a mess around, so why should I have to pick up his responsibilites. Buts that petty to him. But I stood my ground.

Next weekend he is taking DD up to see his mother. Wants to use the car. Now I don't see why I should be without the car (which I do have a valid reason to use over the weekend and I need it). I said that I need it, why doesn't he get the train. Surprise surprise, he doens't want to take the train, it's too expensive and its easier to take the car. I said why don't you hire a car (he has airmiles he could use) to which he said that he didn't want to, it's too much hassle to organise and then he has to pick it up and drop it off and it's easier to use the car. Can't I do without it for the weekend?

I also told him that if he takes the train I do not want him under any circumstances to let his sis pick him up. She is an absolutely reckless driver (I have experienced it firsthand, mobile phone and texting whilst driving at high speeds, late breaking). He said that whoever picks him up picks him up. But it makes me feel that if I don't give him the car then I could be putting my DD at risk and I wouldn't want that, but why can't he be an adult and tough it out, and realise it can't be all his way and organise it himself? He chose to split so this is the outcome. He thinks he can just get or do whatever he wants and that frustrates me.

Tell me, AIBU? Do I need more backbone, am I being unrealistic?

OP posts:
BananaFruitBunny · 05/04/2009 20:34

YABU. If you don't want him to have the car - fine, but you can't then dictate who picks them up from the station.

justthinkingiamnotbeingsilly · 05/04/2009 20:41

I know but I wouldn't want my DD to be driven by a dangerous driver. No joke.

OP posts:
BananaFruitBunny · 05/04/2009 20:43

Then let him have the car.

justthinkingiamnotbeingsilly · 05/04/2009 20:44

I think it's because he just assumes he can do whatever he wants rather than ask me. He just assumed he could take the car. He just assumed I wouldn't' need it.

The story of my marriage

OP posts:
BananaFruitBunny · 05/04/2009 20:49

Irritating, yes. But I still think in this instance you're being unreasonable.

BananaFruitBunny · 05/04/2009 20:49

Meant to add a 'Sorry '

Sorry!

justthinkingiamnotbeingsilly · 05/04/2009 20:52

That's alright.
Just interested to see peoples perspectives.

I think everything is so mucked up at the moment I can't think straight.....

OP posts:
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