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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Amused by old thread about cheating husbands

17 replies

debs05 · 05/04/2009 19:38

Have been looking at old threads as my husdband has had affairs and any advice is always handy, there was one from Kittylette from '06 saying that if we kept our men happy in the bedroom then they would not stray!!!!!! This post had over 400 replies.

Just wondering whether she ever had egg on her face or if she was actually married to a decent loving bloke?? Whats your opinion, should I of done more, other than have his 5 kids, sex all the time, support him while he built his career, basically be a single parent. Oh but then I probably was to blame as I didnt give him enough BJ's. Ha Ha!!!

OP posts:

Spidermama · 05/04/2009 19:40

Maybe she'd like to go and live in Afghanistan give their new laws which state a woman has to have sex with her husband at least once ever four days.

theDreadPirateRabbits · 05/04/2009 19:41

Have you thrown him out now? [hopeful]

SalBySea · 05/04/2009 19:42

I have to admit that I did kinda think like that - that cheating was a symptom of an unhappy relationship that lacked in affection. Untill I got cheated on in a relationship where I gave lots of BJs, had sex up to 3 times a day and had lots of laughs and happy times -

Original poster

debs05 · 05/04/2009 19:48

"theDreadPirateRabbits" hes here but have lost all respect for him. Just find it quite funny how naive we all are!! Actually I dont like BJ's, did it alot at the beginning when I found out about the affairs, but since I found out one of the whores gave him one after long day at work (and he really works up a sweat!!!) it put me off, he would take one of anyone!!

OP posts:

theDreadPirateRabbits · 05/04/2009 19:57

So why haven't you binned him then?

StirlingTheStrong · 05/04/2009 19:58

It is easy for people who haven't been victim of an affair to say what the causes are. The truth is affairs CAN happen in happy marriages - some men people just can't say no!

You always look at yourself and wonder what you did wrong but the truth is, usually, you did nothing wrong. They are big and ugly enough to make their own decisions and to speak out if they are unhappy.

Original poster

debs05 · 05/04/2009 20:04

So true, my husband should of told me he was unhappy when our first was 5 mths old and had been in SCBU for the first month of his life, then again 7 yrs ago when slag offered him BJ and then again July O7 when I was sat next to him at a BBQ and she was the other side whispering in his ear (I went to the toilet and cried) only kept quiet cos we were with all his staff (by the way he worked with the first and the last two worked for him and they all knew we had kids)

Huffing Fell I hate him

OP posts:

HolyGuacamole · 05/04/2009 20:07

Wow. Why do you stay with this man?

Judy1234 · 05/04/2009 20:09

Presuambnly because she eanrs less than he does and is as economically dependent on his as the Afghan women. Message for women is always work full time and aim to earn double what your men do then at least if they stray you have more financial options in terms of getting out.

Original poster

debs05 · 05/04/2009 20:10

God knows, Im not scared of being on my own, perhaps Its cos I lived in a bubble where I got married to my first love then he turned out to be a tosser and I cant face the truth

OP posts:

theDreadPirateRabbits · 05/04/2009 20:17

What's his response been to your finding out?

Original poster

debs05 · 05/04/2009 20:26

I have posted before about him - he's sorry (of course) and wants to put it all behind us - Im typing and looking at him thinking how much Id love to ram his head into the pepperoni pizza Ive just given him, oh hey hum life is full of surprises

OP posts:

theDreadPirateRabbits · 05/04/2009 20:27

Would he be ready to go to relationship counselling with you? Or is his idea of 'putting it all behind us' you forgiving and forgetting while he makes no changes in his behaviour and expectations?

Original poster

debs05 · 05/04/2009 20:35

He has made an effort and he is truly sorry but I am passed that, I feel so shit about myself, cant get over it, want to talk about it all the time, its ruining my life, so need to see him for what he is, see it for what it was and move on

OP posts:

theDreadPirateRabbits · 05/04/2009 20:39

Maybe counselling with Relate for you to start with, then see if you actually want to make it work again? It sounds like you're 'stuck', and need some help to get your perspective back. Hope you work it out.

Judy1234 · 05/04/2009 21:20

People do get over it. Some people even learn to tolerate repeated adultery in a spouse but not most people.

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 05/04/2009 21:24

It isn't just men who cheat. While domestic violence is far more men abusing their female partners, breaches of monogamy are roughly equal between the genders, I think.

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