He is almost perfect, except for one thing.

[QualityStreet]

I'm in the beginnings of what seems to be a great relationship with someone i've been very fond of for the last couple of years. We initally started seeing each other about 18 months ago, just after i had split from my partner. He was in all honesty a rebound fling and being with him really made me feel special and wanted at a time when I was vunerable.

It lasted about 6 weeks, until I called it off after deciding to give my relationship another go. He was very respectful and backed off although I remember seeing him a week or so later and feeling wretched that I could no longer hold him. Over the last couple of months hes reappeared in my life in a big way, we never really lost touch and talked occassionally on the phone and eventually met up. He told me that he had always loved me and had wanted to approach me but didnt want to cause problems for me (as i was still with my partner) but having heard that we'd split couldn't stop himself getting in touch. Its like 18 months hasnt passed, we are as close as ever. He treats me like a princess.

There is one BIG problem though, he is huge. I have never - not even in porn - seen anything like it, and it doesnt matter how gentle he is it is still painful and i end up bleeding a little after sex. I dont enjoy it for this reason and find myself making excuses not to sleep with him. When we do have sex he rarely ejaculates as hes just not getting the stimulation that he needs and im sure that can't be satisfying for him. He is pretty good at foreplay etc but sometimes its just not enough.

I rememeber from last time that I found it difficult, but due to the situation i was in i was drinking a fair bit and maybe that made it easier, i dont know but i'm sure it wasnt as big as this before!

So do I accept that a relationship with him means no sex or painful sex? I find sex to be an important part of a relationship and I cant see myself being satisfied long term if it isnt resolved. He is so affectionate always holding and kissing me that I want to have sex with him and then end up frustrated and miserable.

Hes quite shy when it comes to things like this and i think that it would be too difficult - and perhaps to soon - to have a complicated relationship/sex talk.

Any advice?

Have you tried different positions?

Lots of lube and being relaxed should help.

We've tried lots of different positons and tried using lube etc. He knows I find it very uncomfortable and really does try to be gentle, ask me what I think would help etc. Honestly, the size of it has to be seen to be believed. Its not just the lenght its the girth too.

I asked him if any of his previous partners had mentioned it and he gave a non discript shrug. I thinki hes aware that its unusual and is a little embarrassed.

As he is unusually big, he must have come () across this situation before.
So, although he's shy he's probably having the same concerns you do. TBH I don't think you (both of you) can attempt to resolve this without talking about it.

sorry x posted

You could find a compromise perhaps? Like staying close and intimate rather than making excuses not to have sex. You could try more manual stimulation etc? Done well it would be really enjoyable- why not try some books and DVDs for suggestions? It sounds like you need to find a way of making sex fun and relaxed again rather than an ordeal to be faced. It would be a shame to bail if you could work around the issue a bit.

I have some experience of this in the past (girthwise) it hurt for a while then I got used to it (persistent, me ) I'm sure I remember it not hurting after a few weeks.

Have another baby, that'll sort it out

Hes lovely, we've just talked on the phone for 2 hours and arranged a date for later in the week. I am embarrassed to admit it but I am almost scared of being intimate with him, as i know it just leads to physical pain. I've been spotting now for over a week and i'm sure it only started after we had sex, and its just not gone away.

I'm going to have to have a talk with him, I know he will have no problem with me saying that i want t take things easy on the sex front but after coming out of one relationship where sex was an issue im a little wary of walking into another one.

Ive had two children so am thinking that theres a little 'give' there already

Have you tried sleeping with a large baking potato wedged up there? It works for tight shoes

are you relaxed and lubed??

My friend had a fella like this - sex with him actually damaged her cervix, so you do need to be a bit careful. I will ask her how she managed to enjoy herself and get back to you. She was with him for ages so must have been OK. I think the positions were important.

Sorry to be boring but have you had the bleeding checked out?

I'm almost tempted to try the potatoe idea . He has such a lovely toned back and soft skin that I find it hard to resist lol so if you think its worth a try

He spends quite a while on foreplay and i usually manage to relax and tell myself it'll be nice and gentle until it starts to hurt and then i spend the rest of the time flinching away and gritting my teeth. Bless him, he does try.

I've not had the bleeding checked, its more like spotting. I'm not having to use a tampax or anything. Its just bright red after sex and then brown (im assuming old blood) for the rest of the week. I'm only seeing him once a week at the moment - taking things slowly

you should go on top frankly.

You're probably tensing up anticipating that it's going to hurt which is making it hurt IYSWIM.

YOu need to try and relax yourself. Maybe a glas of wine or two would help?

Go and get your fanjo checked out. You could have something like a small cervical erosion that can be treated (tisn't dangerous) - if there is anything a little bit wrong up your chuff, ramming a GREAT BIG willy up it will make things worse.

Solidgold, can I just hi-five you for your fabulous way with words?

By the way this might be helpful too.

thanks for that solid!!