is this normal to feel this way? :-(

[doubtingmyself]

Basic background is DH had an affair. Tried to get over it but basically we have fallen out of love and it really is over.

I feel excited about the future and getting my own place with DD and feel that deep down I don't love him in the same way anymore. Being together is no fun as I am constantly suspicious of his behaviour etc and he is still in contact - albeit minimal and apparently none physical

However since we made the decision at weekend several times a day by heart is in my mouth and I find myself thinking is it the right thing? I have started to file for divorce and he is in agreement it is the way to go but we both have - I suppose understandably after 15yrs reservations in case it's the wrong decision.

Arrrghhh I am doing the right thing aren't I?

Well the only 2 people that really knows how your marital relationship is, will be you and your husband. Do you love him? It doesn't sound like you do. Of course you'll have doubts that's natural, but you actually seem quite upbeat about it. There are loads of other threads that discuss breakups, likely breakups etc so you can gleam information from these as they may help understand the postives and negatives. I came out of a 15 year marriage last year, most of the time I feel quite chirpy and I look forward to the future but sometimes the idea of being alone potentially forever feels me with dread, other times it doesn't, but tbh overall I would rather be alone then trapped with a loveless marriage.

I'm sure you know the answer really. It's normal to mourn the end of a long relationship, and I'm sure at this stage with things being so final you're really feeling sad for your memories from the past rather than how you have felt about him recently, correct? Rose-tinted glasses and all that.

Good luck with everything though. I hope you and DD find peace and happiness with whatever you decide.

It's not a question we can answer for you. You may find the forums on Wikivorce helpful.

Yes you are and you know it And if you are who I think you absolutely about time !!
And if not good luck, no point flogging a dead horse!

agree with the others here.
my own marriage break-down reasons differ from yours but i was resolute
tho have to admit did have major wobble when i received notification of the date of the nisi
i think it's a perfectly natural thing
it's the fear of the unknown isn't it?
do you have any divorced friends who can support you thru this
i stress divorced as unless you've been there you just can't begin to comprehend all the feelings and emotions
i am well out thru the other side now and doing fine btw
but do be prepared for a long long journey
and do hope that you also get there in time,there are lots of us here so feel free to rant xx

there is life after divorce...believe in yourself and do what your gut says....

Thanks for all the replies. He behaved appallingly last night and is def still in touch - if not more - with OW.

But I really don't care anymore

I asked him to leave this morning and after a slight protest he has gone - any wobble I was having has been knocked on the head by how he has behaved in the last 24hrs. I am so much better off without him.

Onwards and upwards. I'm sure I will have many a wobble along the way but I am determined that this is it now.

(Hi Macdoodle

...see you do know youre doing the right thing ...and it gets easier with time ..