What would you do? Long post but in a real quandry!

[magnummum]

Brief history to all of this. My stepmum died 18 months ago after a very short battle with cancer. She and my Dad had been together for 30 years so most of my life. 6 months later my dad phones from his first holiday after she died to say he wasn't there on his own, was there with a friend, it was all fantastic and I had to meet her asap, and that with a 16 year age gap she was closer to my age than his. I was more than a bit taken aback but said if he was happy then great.

Anyway,he started seeing her regularly and so I broached the subject of meeting her so we arranged to go out for lunch only to have plans cancelled the next day because she felt it would be better to wait until after the anniversary of my stepmum's death. By Christmas the whole thing was off with my dad saying it wasn't going anywhere and something wasn't right.

We put the headstone on my stepmum's grave last month and suddenly it's all back on with the girlfriend and my Dad said last night he really wants me to meet her either Easter weekend or the one after.

Firstly I can't quite get my head around the whole thing, secondly this may have something to do with the fact that by then I'll be 35 weeks pregnant with twins and already have a 2.5 year old. I'm just feeling like I've been forced into a corner when I'm in quite an emotional/hormonal state at the mo - was stepmum's birthday last week and have been feeling sad about her not knowing the new arrivals etc. Have been trying very hard over recent weeks to reduce stress levels not add to them.

Am I being unreasonable/pathetic and should I just pull myself together and meet her or say the timing is lousy and we'll do it later in the summer. (Already feeling like an immobile hippo and socialising with anyone is not high on my agenda!)

Any thoughts ladies?

Some people just were not designed to be alone. If they are both happy then support them, life's too short to be lonely. I'd meet her.

why do you not want to meet them now? it sounds like your dad had a bit of a wobble, got things clearer in his head, and is now ready to make a go of things, as is she. obviously , they have had a few months to think about things and take a break, and have decided it is worth going for.

of course you are emotional, it is only natural, especially as you are so close to giving birth.

surely if you and your dad are usually close, you can do this?

not like once the twins are born you will have loads of time and energy to go out and do stuff?

would probably be better to meet her at least once before the babies arrive

I don't think you're being unreasonable or pathetic; it is a lot to cope with and the timing is lousy for you.

FWIW, my friend got together with a new boyfriend within 6m of her h's unexpected death. They'd been together for 40+ years. It didn't mean she missed her h any less, or anything like that. She just needed a bloke around because, having had a really happy marriage for such a long time, that was 'normality' for her.

I think this is quite common in men - it must be hard for you but if he is happy then support him as much as poss. It may not work out but the alternative is a lonely life which is how most people feel when left alone after such a long time.

Thanks ladies - got my less hormonal hat on and have just sorted out meeting the weekend after Easter. Aside from the fact I feel like a tanker and don't want to see anyone other a handful of people at the moment and also have good reasons to be deeply suspicious about her motives, I know that he can't cope with being on his own and do want him to be happy so will "cast my eye" over her as requested...