Bit of a long one, but please bear with me.
Roughly 6 years ago i became quite close friends with a lady i'd met on a support group on the interweb. We were both childless at the time and undergoing fertility treatment. She didn't live all that far away from me, and we met up a few times, and got on very well. We grew incredibly close, and then i got pregnant with my boys. At the same time, her fertility treatment didn't work, and she and her husband decided not to have any more, despite having funds available to do so - they said they couldn't cope with the emotional turmoil of it anymore,which was fair enough.
Anyways, she was there for me all through my pregnancy - it was very difficult, started out as a triplet pregnancy, we lost a baby at 10 weeks, and then when i was 14 weeks we were told that one of our remaining babies was likely to die soon after birth. I then went on to have them at 28 weeks, and Ciaran lived for an hour and forty two minutes.
During my pregnancy, my friend and her husband had moved quite a way away, but despite this, they came to the hospital after i'd had them, and were there for hubbs and i when we needed them. We asked them to become Boyo's godparents, and they were delighted to.
I knew how much my friend was hurting that she never had children of her own, and i tried to be there as much as i could be for her, but i always got the feeling she was a little resentful of the fact that we'd had boyo whilst she remained childless.
When Boyo was eighteen months old, Pat and i decided to try fertility treatment again to give Boyo another brother or a sister. When i told friend, she went absolutely mental, asking what the hell i wanted another child for, and could i not wait until Pat had died to have a baby with someone else as it was so easy for me to get pregnant? I never ever told Pat she'd said that. She also asked that i not discuss out fertility treatment with her any further. I was obviously hurt, but agreed, and i guess from there we sort of drifted apart. That treatment didn;t work btw, and i txted her to tell her and she replied that perhaps it was for the best.
After that our calls to each other grew infrequent and we stopped seeing each other. When i got pregnant with Brogan i didn't really want to tell her, but happened to bump into a mutual friend of ours who noticed my obvious bump, and i thought it'd be better if she heard it from me, so i rang and told her, and she immediately said she couldn't deal with me now, and put down the phone.
I did let her know that Pat had died, and got a short note back saying that she was sorry but couldn't make it to the funeral.
That was that until this afternoon - i was on MSN and she messaged me asking if we could talk.The general gist of the conversation was that basicly i had hurt her deeply by not understanding her feelings, that i had ignored that she was grieving over the fact that she had never had children, and that she felt she had given everything to me, but had had nothing back. I tried to explain to her that at the time she'd stopped treatment, i had been in deep shock and was grieving over Ciaran - that i had buried my baby and yes, i may have been self centred, but all i could see was the fact that my baby had died and i was hurting so much. Apparently it was my fault that she felt she couldn't come to Pats funeral - it would have been 'too awkward'. She did say that she had distanced herself from me and could admit that, but apprently 'i have closed my heart to her and her needs'
She signed off before i had chance to try and respond much. I'm left feeling awful - even more awful then i have been feeling of late - and i don't know what to do. She was such an important part of my life and i do miss her, and i'm sad that Brennan doesn't know his godparents (That's my fault too).
So what do you think i should do? Is it worth persuing this type of friendship? My heads in a bit of a tiz atm and i could do with some perspective, please.